Friedman touts inexperience: Gubernatorial hopeful criticizes politicians while outlining his ideas
Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get. And I have no political experience whatsoever
- Kinky Friedman
Welcome to the Texas gubernatorial race, which seems as if it’s destined to become a race to the bottom. You have the incumbent, Governor Goodhair (the pride of Paint Creek), who’s very photogenic and very “down home” Texan, but who hasn’t actually done anything during his term in office. You have “One Tough Political Opportunist Grandma”, who is running as an independent because she couldn’t beat Governor Goodhair in the Republican primary. You have Chris Bell, who Democrats love (if only because there’s no other option), but let’s be honest; Bell is about as exciting as watching your office candy machine being restocked. Never mind the fact that Bell hasn’t exactly been doing a bang-up job of getting his message out. Ask your average Texan of voting age who Chris Bell is, and you’ll probably get a deer-caught-in-the-headlights blank stare. Yeah, there’s work to be done.
Oh, and lest I forget…there’s Kinky Friedman, who is counting on his novelty status to catapult him to victory in November. What’s Friedman’s strategy du jour? Well, how about touting his INexperience? Yes, Friedman is stumping the state, telling voters that he’s the best choice BECAUSE HE’S THE LEAST QUALIFIED. WTF?
At least he’s consistent, in that his public comments back up the fact that he has no political experience.
Independent gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman said Sunday that he wants to legalize casino gambling, allow corporations to fund high school sports and consider a moratorium on the death penalty.
Or how about a moratorium on high school sports and allow corporations to sponsor the death penalty (This execution has been proudly sponsored by WalMart, where you’ll never suffer from the shock of high prices!)?
Friedman’s plan to fund education, which he said is one of his priorities, includes legalizing casino gambling, which could raise an estimated $3 billion to $4 billion each year; levying a 1 percent tax on oil and gas produced in Texas to raise an annual $1 billion to $2 billion; and funding high school sports, which consume 10 percent of the education budget, through corporate sponsorships.
Sure, and while we’re at it, we can legalize 24-hour saloons, public sex, and driving with open alcohol containers. How about legalizing and taxing marijuana? With all of the self-righteous religious nutjobs in this state, does Friedman REALLY think that legalizing casino gambling will stand a snowball’s chance in Hell of being legalized? This is Texas, after all, where a large segment of the population doesn’t so much as step out of the shower without a prayer beforehand.
Friedman said he is optimistic his political team will raise 45,540 signatures by the May 11 deadline to qualify him to run as an independent on the November ballot.
His goal is to motivate Texans who don’t usually vote to go to the polls, improving his chances of winning, he said.
A noble goal, to be certain, but most people in this state couldn’t even tell you that Rick Perry is Governor. How could Friedman reasonable expect ANYONE who isn’t a political junkie to have a clue as to his identity, much less his program? This is not Rhode Island, y’all; this is Texas, a state in which El Paso is closer to Los Angeles than it is to Houston. Geography alone makes running for Governor as an independent a daunting and difficult undertaking.
Friedman used a reference to Jesus to strengthen his argument for a moratorium on the death penalty, saying the system is imperfect.
“We should take a little more careful look at it, because 2,000 years ago we executed an innocent man who’s now regarded widely as the savior of the world,” he said. “If we could give them life without the possibility of parole, I would say we’d save a lot of money and maybe save our soul as well.”
Uh…yeah…and while I will probably spend the next seven months trying to figure out just what the Hell Friedman means by that tortured analogy, his campaign is probably destined to remain little more than good copy and a political novelty.
Of course, I’ve been wrong about this sort of thing before. When I lived in Portland, OR, a local tavern owner, Bud Clark, ran for Mayor on no discernible platform other than an iconoclastic “throw the bums out” philosophy. Against all odds, Clark won the election, and four years later was re-elected. I’m not certain that his legacy is much to brag about, especially when you consider that he was best known for appearing on the “Today” show in Lederhosen. And then there’s Jesse Ventura in Minnesota. This sort of thing can happen, although doing it in Texas is going to require a well-funded, highly-organized campaign- something unlikely to happen with Kinky Friedman.
Friedman can serve one positive purpose, though. While his chances of being elected Governor are roughly the same as my chances of being elected Queen of England, he (and Carole Keeton Strayhorn) can funnel votes away from Governor Goodhair. This may allow Chris Bell to emerge victorious by default. Imagine that; this election may be less about who wins than who does the most to lose it for Governor Goodhair.
Wake me up when it’s over, willya??
