Santorum Paid Big Bucks to be Scared of Everyone
Rick’s Return: Life after the Senate for Santorum
Rick Santorum has gone from junior senator to senior fellow: As of today, the Pennsylvania Republican is an employee of the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a Washington-based think tank. “I want to contribute to the world of ideas,” he says. After 16 years in Congress ‚Äö√Ñ√Æ four in the House, 12 in the Senate ‚Äö√Ñ√Æ Santorum lost his bid for reelection in November. Yet he hopes to remain in the public spotlight as director of the EPPC’s brand-new America’s Enemies program….”It’s a stark name,” says Santorum. “But we wanted to be candid about the fact that America really does have enemies and to point out that the nature of these enemies is much more complex than what people realize. It’s not just Islamic fascism, but also Venezuela, North Korea, and, increasingly in my opinion, Russia.”
Sometimes I wonder what kind of a thoroughly f——d-up world Rick Santorum lives in. Does his office door have a sign reading “Here Be Dragons”? Does he have a taster on retainer to check his food and drink for poison? When he goes to a restaurant, does he have to sit in the back corner by the kitchen so he can keep his eye on the front door and no one can sneak up on him? Does he have security guards check and clear rooms, their Glock 40s at the ready, before he enters?
There is nothing I could possibly say that could underestimate the depths of lunacy that seem to drive Santorum to do…well, whatever the Hell it is he seems to be doing. Personally, I think he’s a man behind his time. Really…don’t you think he would have been FABULOUS during the 50s? Can’t you see him serving with distinction on the House Un-American Activities Committee? Wouldn’t he have been something to behold as Sen. Joseph McCarthy’s sidekick? Man, Santorum would have kicked Communism’s @$$! Honestly, I really believe that Santorum was born 50 years too late. He would have flourished at the height of the Red Scare, when fear, paranoia, ignorance, and irrational prejudice ruled the day. The man would have ROCKED!!
The biggest problem that Santorum is going to have in his new position is with identifying new enemies and threats to Our Way of Life © . Outside of terrorists, of course, it’s not nearly as easy to find enemies as it was during the height of the Red Scare. As a gesture of good will and show of good faith, then, I thought I’d offer a list of potential enemies to get Santorum started. Now that he’s actually going to (sort of) have to work for a living, he’s going to need all the help he can get.
- San Francisco
- North Korea
- Massachusetts
- trans fats
- Nancy Pelosi
- soy lattes
- Keith Ellison
- Berkeley, CA
- New Jersey
- Iran
- IHOP
I know; it’s an incomplete list, but at least it will give Santorum something to work with. ‘Course, I don’t want to be doing his job for him, but somehow I think he’ll acquit himself quite well. It’s just too bad for him that it’s not 1957.
