Anthony Albert Gomez, 24, at first denied any involvement in the death of “Chevy”, an Australian Shepard mix, but later told police that he instigated others to do it, telling them to “cut its head off” and to do it with a chain saw, the complaint states.The dog was apparently dead at the time of the beheading, police said. Gomez was an ex-boyfriend of Crystal Brown, 17, the dog’s owner, and told her he had seen the dog near his house after it went missing in February, the complaint states.
In the spirit of the very first DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener, the immortal Chante Mallard, I offer Anthony Albert Gomez. You really have to be a sick bastard to behead a dog with a chainsaw, even if you’re trying to impress you’re ex-girlfriend, but it seems that Gomez was up to the task. Even better, Gomez recorded his accomplishment on his cell phone. Verily, a true DUMB@$$ always leaves a record of his work…because no sane person would believe that some sick bastard could be DUMB@$$ enough to decapitate a dog with a chainsaw.
Thankfully, it appears the dog was dead before it was beheaded, but all this really means is that the dog didn’t have to suffer the agony of a terrifying and painful death by chainsaw. This hardly mitigates Gomez’ culpability or his DUMB@$$-worthiness. No, Gomez is truly worthy of being recognized as a world-class DUMB@$$. The only thing that would “improve” this scenario would be if Gomez turned out to be a Republican.
If there is any justice in this world, Gomez would suffer the same fate as the dog he killed. Sadly, being the civlized society we are, Gomez will probably get to be someone’s girlfriend for a year or two before being released back into the general population. It’s too bad, really; it might be rather enjoyable to see Gomez used to re-enact the wood chipper scene from “Fargo”. At least the punishment might come close to fitting the crime.
Somewhere, Chante Mallard is smiling….
