Is that a crocodile under your robe, or…Woman stopped at Gaza-Egypt border with animals strapped to body (A TPRS tip o’ da hat to Chuck Kuffner…man, HOW did I miss this one??)
JERUSALEM - A woman with three crocodiles strapped to her waist was stopped at the Gaza-Egypt border crossing after guards noticed that she looked “strangely fat,” officials said Monday. The woman’s shape raised suspicions at the Rafah terminal in southern Gaza, and a body search by a female border guard turned up the animals, each about 20 inches long, concealed underneath her loose robe, according to Maria Telleria, spokeswoman for the European observers who run the crossing….”The woman looked strangely fat. Even though she was veiled and covered, even with so many clothes on there was something strange,” Telleria said.
It’s not often that I’m rendered speechless…but the stunning stupidity and the…well, the wierdness of this story almost rendered me mute. Thankfully, I recover quickly from these sorts of things…and I’m just wishing I had Ms. Einstein’s real name…’cuz here be a DUMB@$$ if ever there was one.
In a land where people frequently strap things to their bodies that are meant to go “boom”, you’d think that Ms. Einstein would have realized that she would be closely scrutinized…especially if she was indeed looking “strangely fat”. I’ve spent enough time in the Middle East to have seen a large number of…well…shall we say “very girthy” women, but I can’t imagine how anyone, even a slender woman, would be able to effectively conceal not one, not two, but THREE 20-inch crocodiles. (Hey, are those crocodiles on your hips…or are you just glad to see me??)
Hmm…did anyone bother to check the crocs for fuses or wires??? GOOD LORD, MAN…don’t you know that these thing have been known to spontaneously combust?? Like there aren’t already enough things going “boom” in that part of the world….
YES, WE SALUTE YOU, MS. DEATH-BY-CROCODILE-STRAPPED-TO-YOUR-HIPS WOMAN!! You took a common reptile and turned it into a fashion accessory. Yes, while others were concerned about looking fat, you ignored convention by strapping not one, not two, but THREE crocodiles to your hips. While others laughed, you decided to blaze your own trail. Because of you, the fashion world will never be the same….
Silly me…I’d believed most women when they told me that it was chocolate that goes straight to their hips….
The incident, which took place on Thursday, sparked panic at the crossing.
“The policewoman screamed and ran out of the room, and then women began screaming and panicking when they heard,” Telleria said. But when the hysteria died down, she said, “everybody was admiring a woman who is able to tie crocodiles to her body.”
Oh, HELL yes…and I’d be marvelling at the magnificent display of intelligence (or lack thereof) that would lead someone to think that tying three crocodiles to her body was a good thing. Hey, man…their jaws are tied shut. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?? It’s not like they were going to explode or anything…right??
In her defense, the woman said she “was asked” to carry the crocodiles, said Wael Dahab, a spokesman for the Palestinian guards at the crossing.
So, if someone “asked” Ms. Einstein to strap an explosive belt to her body…she’d think that she was just helping out a compatriot?
Uh…this thing isn’t going to go off or anything…is it??
The reptiles, which had their jaws tied shut with string, were returned to the Egyptian side of the border.
Where they’ll no doubt be turned into prayer rugs and hash pipes…and probably the odd explosives-filled vest or two. Look, it’s what ANY self-respecting suicide bomber would want to be wearing to his date with 72 virgins….
Allah akbar….
