Rejoice, White America: There Is A Candidate Just For You!
Meet the Also-Rans: John Taylor Bowles
Hey guys, did you hear about the Negro Menace? Apparently it’s a growing problem for White America. There was a time when Democrats used to stand for something (slavery), but what do they stand for today? Electing a scary woman or a half-black Muslim terrorist, that’s what! And Republicans may talk the talk, but when it comes down to it, the best of them will only deport Mexicans, who aren’t even black. White America, meet John Taylor Bowles ‚Äö√Ñ√Æ “the White People’s Candidate.” He’s the only 2008 candidate that will follow through on Thomas Jefferson’s patriotic plan to send the blacks back to Africa. Also: He hates the Jews. Remember when the Far Right hated the Jews? Bowles remembers!
If you’re one of those God-fearing White Americans who fears for the purity of our great race (after all, wasn’t this great country founded by great and brave WHITE men- and women who knew their place??), fear not, for it appears that your savior is at hand. Yes, if you believe in your heart of hearts that it’s “time for white people to put a real white man in the White House”, then John Taylor Bowles wants- nay, DESERVES- your vote in 2008.
Hey, any White male Republican Presidential candidate (and, at last count, there were, what, 112 of them?) can talk about securing our southern borders and deporting Brown People. That’s easy. Bowles will see that gambit and raise those pasty-white coward to a place even they don’t have the moral courage to go: he’ll deport every non-White American…and then he’ll recall the Army from Iraq and station all White soldiers along our Southern borders. Take THAT, Tom Tancredo!!
Of course, you can tell that Bowles’ campaign ideology is in it’s formative stages, because his people haven’t yet worked out who’s going to mow our lawns, pick our fruits and vegetables, or live in New Orleans. It’s early, so I’m sure he’ll get back to us on that before too much longer.
Man, I can hardly wait before he pays his first obligatory visit to The Daily Show….
John Taylor Bowles is “the White People’s Candidate.” A full-blown neo-Nazi duded up like a jack-booted storm trooper, Bowles believes his candidacy is appropriate because it is “time for white people to put a real white man in the White House.” (Bush, apparently, lacks purity.)
If American voters agree, white people can expect free health care, lower food prices (through the elimination of the “kosher tax”), lower taxes (by cutting off aid to Israel), and the orderly deportation of all non-whites to Asia, Africa, and the Middle East. All white soldiers can expect to be recalled from overseas duty and be placed on the Southern border so they can help “stop the invasion.”
Bowles is a former U.S. Department of Agriculture employee. According to his most recent FEC disclosure, the only contributor to the Bowles campaign is Bowles himself. Choose or lose, America!
Indeed. White America has nothing to fear, except…well, everything and everyone that’s not White. Hmm…isn’t that like close to 50% of the population, though? And won’t Bowles’ program wreak havoc on the NFL and the NBA?? Of course, I get the feeling that Bowles isn’t much of a sports fan.
OK, so the guy’s still got some problems to work through, but it’s only May, 2007, and he doesn’t have a lot of experience with national campaigns. I’m certain that by the time Labor Day, 2008 rolls around, Bowles will have his hate-and fear-mongering in full swing, and his followers will be one large, devoted, goose-stepping throng…and you can bet there’ll be a nationwide shortage of brown shirts!
