At least this one, North Carolina Rep. David Almond had the decency to resign almost as soon as word of his inappropriate behavior came out. The North Carolina House Republicans are trying to keep his transgression a secret, but they did force him to resign. An insurance agent, Almond was serving his second term in the House. Impeccable DWT sources tell me he exposed himself in front of a female employee and chased her around the room yelling “Suck it, baby, suck it.” It is unclear whether or not there was physical contact. She filed a personnel complaint. In a one-sentence letter to House Speaker Joe Hackney, the two-term Republican lawmaker from Stanly County immediately resigned his seat representing the 67th House District.
Man, I know y’all think that I probably make up most of the stuff I come up with, but trust me, there’s NO WAY even someone as twisted as I am could pull this out of thin air. No, sirree….
Of course, I suppose some of y’all are thinking, “Yawn…ANOTHER Republican sex scandal??” Yes, indeed…but don’t blame me; I’m just the messenger…but you’ll have to understand if I’m enjoying myself perhaps just a little bit too much. Then again, I really do have to admire Rep. Almond’s creativity. While most desperate, horny politicians would resort to the time-worn groping, Almond’s willing to let it all hang out and display his shortcomings for the object of his affections to evaluate. Unfortunately for Almond, she decided that the last time she saw something that small, it was an eraser on the end of a pencil.
At least Almond had the decency to resign. Honestly, though, he could have saved himself a lot of trouble if he’d just done what so many Republicans do and paid for it. Then I might have had to find another DUMB@$$.