Arkansas Mayor Once Abducted By Satan
Mayor Resigns, Claims Abduction By Satan Worshippers
The mayor of Centerton, Arkansas, resigned Wednesday. Not for playing illegal happy penis games or anything, though! It’s more of the standard “I was adbucted by Satan 30 years ago, adopted a false name, forgot my previous life in Indiana until recently undergoing truth serum injections” excuse, which we’ve all used at least once to get out of a dead-end job.
Now here’s a Republican I could get behind…and isn’t Centerton a suburb of Deliverance??
Politics under normal circumstances is a deadly dull undertaking, too often pursued by those with no other viable options. Those who can do. Those who can’t run for public office. I mean, how else could you possibly explain some of the moral reprobates who run for office under the holy banner of the Gay Grand Old Party? Verily, though these moral misfits may profess to believe in “family values”, they clearly seem unable to hold themselves to the standards they demand that others adhere to.
‘Course, I’m not really terribly upset about this fact, because it’s one of the things that make Republican politics the comedy gold mine that it is. And you thought I make this stuff up out of whole cloth…. Nah, the beautiful thing about this is that Republicans do all the hard work for me. All I have to do is stop laughing long enough to document it and add my own unique spin- which, trust me, ain’t nearly as hard as it looks.
Centerton Mayor Ken Williams said he has been living under an assumed name for nearly 30 years. He had been mayor since 2001.
Williams told authorities he was born Don LaRose and that in the mid-1970s, he was a preacher in Indiana. He said he was abducted and brainwashed into forgetting all about his life as Don LaRose.
It was a double-life he had never acknowledged, Williams said, because he didn’t even realize it existed until he had recently taken a truth-serum injection.
As Williams regained his memory, he said, he realized that he had a wife and two kids but that he had decided to leave and take on a new identity to protect them.
“I had no choice. The choice was to watch my family killed before my eyes or go with these people, and I chose instead to run,” Williams said.
Holy crap…and here all this time I’d been thinking that Mike Huckabee, Tom Tancredo, and Sam Brownback were unreconstructed wackjobs of the first order. Williams makes those clowns look positively the very definition of sanity and moderation by comparison, eh??
Jeebus…somebody call Mulder and Scully, willya??
I…WANT…TO…BELIEVE….
