Today is Thursday, March 13, 2008, a day like any other. Today also marks 17,495 consecutive days I’ve gone without visiting a prostitute…just in case y’all were wondering. Actually, I’m a bit miffed that the media isn’t parked on the lawn outside my apartment, waiting for me to emerge so they can pounce on me and digest, parse, and overanalyze my every word and action. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that, if they were stalking me, they’d quickly discover that the reality of my pointless, miserable, currently sexless existence doesn’t begin to match the hype. I’m just a guy…a guy with urges like anyone else. Well, OK…not quite like everyone else, as it turns out. Apparently most men don’t need plastic diapers, 10W40 motor oil, rubber bands, freezer bags, green M & Ms, and staple guns. And all this time I’d been thinking that I was the normal one. Who knew??
(Actually, if anyone wants to help me join the Emperor’s Club, there’s a PayPal button conveniently located on the sidebar, just above Boo’s picture. Donations aren’t tax deductible, but they will be greatly appreciated…because frankly, it’s about the only way I’m going to get laid anytime soon….)
If you’ll excuse me, my latest shipment of Norwegian dwarf porn is waiting for me…. ;-)
