There are pet peeves and then there are things I just don't get

Ice fishing: Growing up in far northern Minnesota, winter meant meant men draggin their ice fishing huts out onto frozen lakes. Some lakes would resemble small villages from late November until mid-March. Men would pass entire weekends cutting a hole in the ice and fishing while remaining in the relative warmth of their huts from late Friday afternoon through late Sunday evening. When I worked in Minneapolis, my office was on the north shore of Lake Calhoun. Almost every day during the winter, I’d watch some solitary (invariably male) figure wander out onto the ice. They’d cut a hole in the ice with an ice auger, and they’d spend the afternoon sitting on an overturned pickle bucket. Gee, what fun that looked like, eh? Personally, I’d rather spend an afternoon cleaning the lint out of my belly button.

Avocados: Maybe it’s the color. Or the texture. Or the flavor. Or the fact that an avocado has more fat than any just about any edible substance known to man…with the exception of mayonnaise. Disgusting…though I do find avocados to be just the perfect shape and weight for throwing at passing cars.

Green Bay Packers fans: I’ve heard Green Bay, WI described as “a drinking town with a football problem”…which tough to argue with. How else would you describe the town’s love affair with the evil, blood-sucking Packer? I’ve always admired Brett Favre for his passion and commitment, but an NFL team in the middle of Wisconsin’s frozen tundra? Gimme a break….

The lack of public toilets in Manhattan: Are New Yorkers born without bladders? If you’re wandering around Times Square after your fourth venti latte, good luck finding a place to offload all that liquid. You’d have a better chance of running into the Naked Cowboy.

Competitive eating: When last I checked, gluttony was still one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Yeah, it may be a mortal sin, all right, but then some wags might say the same thing about Arena Football. Really, though; isn’t this a tragic waster of perfectly good hot dogs?

Reality television: Is there ANYTHING more unreal, contrived, and just plain silly on television these days than “reality” shows? This “reality” is without a doubt intended for those who can’t handle drugs.

American Idol: Artificial, contrived, over-hyped, and built to stay that way. Perhaps one of the most meaningless and insignificant television shows EVER, American Idol combines the worst aspects of American existence: ridiculous, overheated hype, fame, and middling talent. Uh, right; that Taylor Hicks sure turned out to be a superstar, didn’t he?

Bud Selig: How can such a complete and utter mediocrity such as Satan Selig be paid something like $15 million a year to run Major League Baseball into the ground? Well, would you turn down a gig that paid like that when all you really have do is to look and act thoroughly befuddled? Bud Selig certainly didn’t.

Republicans: When the best you can offer is John McCain and the 100 Year War in Iraq, you’re a pretty sorry collection of ideological and moral misfits, no? Good luck with that whole wandering in the wilderness thing.

Evangelical Christians: Is arrogance and self-righteousness encoded on the DNA of these “born again” sorts (as if they were born incorrectly the first time around)? Hey, if you believe that Jesus Christ is the best thing since multiple orgasms, more power to you…but what gives you the right to feel that your particular flavor of God is superior to other flavors? Yeah, these folks are the reason atheism is alive and well. If I have to believe in the God of Evangelical Christians, I’d rather have no God at all (or the Flying Spaghetti Monster).