Today's signs that the Apocalypse is upon us

Obama as You've Never Known Him!: Uh, like he loves double-stuffed Oreos and has a killer crossover dribble??

Soldiers In Afghanistan Free To Commence Bonkin': Finally, US soldiers serving in Afghanistan will be allowed to have sex again...just as long as it's not with each other....

Gas Price Prediction: $6 to $7 per Gallon in 6 to 24 Months: I know you want to save enough to put your kids through college, but....

Canadian spooks think punk band "Suicide Pilots" are terrorists: The Mounties' anti-terror unit and Canadian Security Intelligence Service, Canada's top spook agency, have a file dedicated to a harmless punk band called "The Suicide Pilots." Apparently, a grasp of irony is not a prerequisite for intelligence work in Canada. Having these folks been consulting with our own Department of Homeland (In)Security?

Iranian website promotes Holocaust denial: Yes, 'tis better to be thought a fool, than to be Nicholas Kollerstrom and remove all doubt. Or, one of these things is NOT like the others: astrology, crop circles, and the Holocaust. Hmm...I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Broken foot nets woman $6 million settlement: Hell, I'll let you run over my foot for half of that....

Shipping containers may become condos in Detroit: Well, considering that the original idea was to use cardboard boxes....

14 tons of spilled Oreos snarl traffic in Illinois: Then the milk truck showed up, and everyone lived happily ever after....

Jenna Bush says it's OK for Ellen DeGeneres to use the Crawford ranch for her wedding: Hey, if Dick Cheney can have a Lesbian daughter, why can't Jenna loan out her dad's ranch in Crawford, TX for a Lesbian wedding? Oh, the humanity....

Homeland Security Secretary welcomes aliens -- as new American citizens: And they were immediately shipped off to Iraq....