A few days ago, one of my readers took me to task for "harping on Houston". While I'm not at all certain I agree with the criticism, I can understand his point of view, and I don't disagree with it. It's no secret that I don't miss Houston, but wouldn't it make sense to be celebrating what I love about being here in Portland than griping about what an armpit Houston is? Indeed; and since I've been making a concerted effort to look on the positive side of things, I think I'll take a trip down path. What follows, then, is a not-terribly-inclusive list of some of the things I love about being in Portland...and there's a lot to love. To wit....
1) Traffic: OK, so Portland's not immune to traffic problems...and Portland lacks the space or the willingness to expand freeways to handle growing traffic loads. Even so, people here drive far more courteously than is generally true in Houston. Just try merging into rush hour traffic on a Houston freeway, where the prevailing attitude is "kill or be killed". Here in Portland, drivers will usually allow others to merge into traffic without question. Funny how courtesy seems to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
2) Weather: Last night, we had an extremely rare event here: a thunderstorm. And by "thunderstorm", I mean "mild rumbling while it rained lightly". An inch of rain is a big storm, and outside of the occasional windstorm that comes out of the Columbia Gorge, "extreme weather" is something of a misnomer. No hurricanes, no tornadoes, no thunder and lightning, and no crushing, wrapped-in-Saran-Wrap-while-trapped-in-a-sauna humidity.
3) Distance: Since Portland is a much smaller metropolitan area, getting around is a whole lot easier. Distances between where you are and where you need to be tend to be quite a bit smaller than Houston, and there are people here who live their lives quite nicely without ever getting into a car. That's not really practical here in Beaverton, but I could probably do it if I were so inclined. My first year in Houston, I put 21,000 miles on my car. In the nine months since I've returned to Portland, I've put 4,000 miles on it. At this rate, my paid-off 2004 Mazda will last forever...and I rather enjoy not having car payments. And while the price of gas sucks, I'm effectively spending less on gas here than I had been in Houston.
4) Mosquitoes...as in "complete lack thereof": The next mosquito I see will be the first one I encounter here. I suppose there are a few here and there, but without the heat, humidity, and pools of standing, fetid water to support them, Portland is blessedly mosquito-free. It's nice to be able to go outside without hearing the buzzing or feeling as if I'm tonight's entree.
5) Politics: There's an air of tolerance and acceptance that's sorely lacking in Houston. People here are much more willing to live and let live. Faith is tolerated as a personal choice, and people and political candidates aren't evaluated based on their religious faith (or lack of same). There's also a flexibility and a willingness to think and consider possibilities that I never felt or observed in Houston.
These are but a few of the reasons I feel comfortable here in Portland. Of course, none of these things do anything to fix the hole in my heart. That's not a product of place, but of my need to ensure my continued survival- literally. The reality is that I was miserable in Houston, and remaining there...well, I'm not certain that I would have survived...and that's no exaggeration.
In the end, I have a degree of serenity and peace of mind on the one hand, but a hole in my heart on the other. Whoever it was that said you really can have it all had NO idea what they were talking about....
I'm far happier, more relaxed, and more content here in Portland than I was in Houston. It took me a long time to admit to myself just how miserable I was in Houston. I wish I hadn't felt that it came down to a choice between survival and keeping my marriage together, but that's the bottom line. I was drowning, and since no one else was about to pull me out of the water, I finally had to do what I did in order to save myself. I'm not proud of my decision, nor the way I went about it, but I had to survive. And so I did.
I wish that things were different, but they're not. Decisions have consequences, and major, life-changing decisions can have major, life-changing consequences. So it is with me. My actions left someone I love with a lot of pain and suffering in my wake. I wish that wasn't the case, and I wish I could unring that bell...but I can't. And so I'm left to pick up the pieces and figure where my life goes from here.
So...remind me again why you really can't have it all??
