Airplane Brawl Investigation Continues: When a story begins with the phrase, "a middle-aged man left the plane's lavatory after about 40 minutes covered in his own feces", you've got to know things only got worse from there....
Finland: No Need for Words. Finnish people are defined by silence. Is that healthy?: The average American would make an ass of themselves inside of 10 seconds in Finland.
Amtrak photo contestant arrested by Amtrak police in NYC's Penn Station: Because Lord knows that the terrorists have NO idea what an Amtrak train looks like....
Last Lottery Buy Sets Up Family For Life. Widow cashes in $10M ticket husband bought at 7-Eleven just hours before he died: Somewhere, Alanis Morrissette is smiling. Ironic, no?
Mexican warlock predicts US troops on border: Uh, no...somehow I think we'd probably rather be invading a country that has...oh, I don't know...oil??
Lawsuits Readied as Minnesota Senate Tally Winds Down: Gentleman...start your lawyers!!
Fake Facebook profile angers Guyana president: Uh, if you've been impersonating the President of Guyana on Facebook, the Guyanese police would REALLY like to have a word with you.
Steel industry hopes for big stimulus shot: So how long before condom manufacturers ask for a bailout?
Report: With Palin As Candidate, Troopers Delayed Drug Case Against Levi's Mother: I'm shocked...SHOCKED!!...that politics drove decisions during a political campaign. How DARE they??
Found Guilty: 12-Year-Old Boy Fatally Shot Mother 8 Times After Argument Over Chores: And you wonder why I never had children??
George H. W. Bush: I'd like to see Jeb elected president: Good God, y'all...hasn't this family damaged this country enough already?
Reality Bites: "Future historians will note that American society peaked in the late 1960s." Sadly, I think he might just be right.