High-End Call Girl Claims Spitzer Choked Her During Sex: Hey, don't go flattering the guy; he can't be THAT big.... ;-)
President Urges Americans Not To "Stuff Money In Their Mattresses": Nope, all my money's buried in a coffee can in the back yard.
Two Bountiful Jr. High teachers accused of sex with same student: A 13-year-old boy just succeeded in doing what most adult males can't: juggling relationships with two women and keeping both happy. Damn....
Could St. Louis lose its Catholic hospitals under new federal abortion legislation?: Wouldn't it be typical of the Catholic Church to stand on principle to the detriment of the community they profess to serve? Yes, it certainly would be.
Recession on track to be longest in postwar period: Factory jobs disappeared. Inflation soared. Unemployment climbed to alarming levels. The hungry lined up at soup kitchens. Hmm.... 1932...or last week?
A woman named Marijuana plays it straight - and wins: And no, her nickname isn't "Doritos"....
Federation of Canadian Municipalities asks members to ban bottled water: Or, as most Canadian know it, "American beer".
12 men arrested in 'Operation Afternoon Delight' in Allentown: OH, momma ain't gonna be happy 'bout this. Nope, not one little bit....
Toronto police warn public about stolen chicken breasts: A word to the wise: if you meet a guy in a trench coat who tries to sell you chicken breasts...well, you might just want to keep on walking.
Wallace Defends Limbaugh: 'He Wasn't Saying I Want The President To Fail': Uh, Chris...what part of "I hope he fails" do you not understand?? As a journalist, you're an embarrassment to the family name.
The religious right can compare gays to terrorists and the Supreme Court to terrorists, but then gets upset when they're compared to terrorists: Well, duh.... It's different, 'cuz God's on their side, knowhutimean??
Judith Miller: Give Iran Talks 'The Good College Try' But 'Military Action' Needed If They Fail: Nah, we wouldn't attack a sovereign country simply because they disagree with us. Would we??