....Walmart Takes Steps To Prevent More Black Friday Chaos And Tragedy. Damn...and I was SO looking forward to competing in this year's Black Friday Death Pool. Thanks for sucking the enjoyment out of my holiday, y'all. Bastards....
....Rubber And Steel Fragments Found Inside Medication. Hmm...well, that would certainly explain the chunks in my OxyContin, eh? And here I'd been thinking it was just roughage....
....Kellogg's Finally Explains Eggo Waffle Shortage. Oh, Praise Jeebus!! I was wondering where all the Eggos had disappeared to. My breakfast has been saved....
....An Insider Look At Comcast's Customer Service Boot Camp. That voice on the other end of the phone is no mere drone trying to get you off the phone as quickly as possible. No, that voice is attached to a real, live human brain beaten into submission by sheer information overload...but you can hear the smile in their voice, right??
....Ted Haggard Mounts A Comeback By Lying: I Was Never 'An Anti-Gay Guy'. Denial: it's more than a river in Egypt. Apparently a tributary runs right through Haggard's bedroom.
....Stephon Marbury Continues To Turn Craziness Into An Art Form. I could be wrong here, but I'm guessing that Marbury isn't a fan of Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni.
....Ten Questions To Ask A Man Before You Agree to Marry Him. Don't say you weren't warned, ladies....
....Tancredo says he 'fully intends to run' for governor of Colorado. At least Teh Crazy will be confined to Colorado. Then again, I feel sorry for the state that's a wholly-owned subsidiary of Coors Brewing.
....30 pounds of pot found during traffic stop. Here's a tip, kids: when you have 30 lbs. of pot in your car, it's generally not a good idea to blow past a cop on the interstate while doing 94 MPH in a 55 MPH zone. You're welcome. I know you'll thank me later.
....RNC employee health insurance plan covers abortion. Hypocrisy: the only truly reliable, universal Republican value.
