So, I'm sitting at my the desk in my man-cave apartment, watching, of all things, Olympic curling (and can anyone explain what in the Hell is going on?). Hey, gimme a break...it's USA vs. Germany. OK, so it's not exactly Yankees-Red Sox...but, I digress....
During a commercial break, I flipped over to CNN...because a day without hearing the dulcet tones of Ali Velshi is...well, like a day without sunshine, no? Anyway, as I'm being mesmerized by Velshi, I hear that the TSA is planning to randomly swab the hands of air travelers for cheeseburger explosive residue. This news, as you might well imagine, triggers another (increasingly frequent) "WTF???" moment.
(Germany just scored two...uh, whatever they're called in curling...and now leads 6-3 after eight "ends". Is this bad??)
So, since 9.11, we truly have traveled from the domain of the sublime to the realm of the ridiculous. We have to remove our shoes and belts. We have to answer silly questions. And we now have to deal with the possibility of have our hands swabbed for French fry explosive residue. I've said this for some time now, but I truly believe we're approaching the day when cavity searches-whether random or mandatory- may well be upon us. Sure, it sounds silly, but if you think about it, this really is the last frontier. There are explosives sufficiently miniaturized to be employed as suppositories. (And, no, you may NOT insert your lame "explosive diarrhea" jokes here. Thank you.)
My question becomes quite simple, then: how much of our dignity and humanity must we surrender in order to be granted the supreme privilege of being treated like cattle? As if flying these days isn't degrading enough, we mutely assent to any and all manner of invasive assaults on our privacy and dignity (What's next? "Turn your head and cough"??) in order to fly. The fact that this is really all about making travelers feel safe seems lost in the wash.
(OK, so it looks like Germany just won 6-5, though it was hard for me to tell. If it happens on ice and doesn't involve body checking, I'm clueless. I believe the commentator did mention, though, that curling custom now requires the German team to sacrifice a virgin as they down shots of Jagrmeister. Hmm...I remember thinking that some of the competitors seemed a bit on the young side....)
For the past going on nine years, Americans have, like mute sheep, endured all manner of silliness and invasions of privacy in the name of security and safety. In reality, though, the game is all about creating the illusion of safety. If travelers FEEL safe, they ipso facto ARE safe...right? Because whether we choose to admit it or not, our security system is reactive. Shutting the barn door after the horses have escaped is seldom an effective strategy.
I will freely admit to being something of a belligerent traveler. I resent anyone having the legal right to invade my privacy. I was almost arrested once in the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport when a TSA agent decided it would be a good idea to rifle through my wallet. To say that I didn't deal well with that would be something of an understatement.
(You know, a couple of the American curlers are pretty hot.... Oh, now here's a great idea for the 2014 Olympics in Sochi, Russia: Lingerie Curling. I know...I'm a pig; but you'll be thanking me in 2014.)
Man, I can hardly wait until some aspiring terrorist gets caught trying to bring down a plane with an exploding suppository....
