NEW YORK (AP) - Wearing saggy pants is not a crime, just foolish. That’s how a New York City judge ruled in throwing out a summons issued to a man wearing low-slung pants that exposed his underwear. Judge Ruben Franco said that the summons appeared to be an attempt by one police officer to show his displeasure with the style. The Bronx man, Julio Martinez, was issued the ticket on April 20. The judge wrote that many may find the low-slung trouser trend distasteful and foolish. However, he said, people can dress as they want as long as they do not offend public order and decency.
One of the most cherished American rights isn’t what you might think it is. No, it’s not freedom of expression. It’s not the the right to speak freely. It’s not freedom of assembly. Those are all certainly important and deservedly valued rights and freedoms, but they don’t begin to speak to the essence of what makes America so…well, American.
Without a doubt, the quintessential American right is the right to be mind-numbingly, disproportionately stupid. The media never talks about this, but you see it all around us every day: Snooki, Lindsay Lohan, Wife Swap, Republicans…and saggy pants. Those of us who have transcended our teenage years will undoubtedly recall the any number of things we did that thoroughly pissed our parents off. For my generation, it was music, clothes, and…more than anything else…hair. My father and I had a seemingly endless parade of verbal confrontations about my refusal to get a haircut. This sort of conflict is part of the human condition, and so it will be as long as teenagers roam the Earth. The actual conflicts vary, of course, from generation to generation, but they’re all variations on the same theme. Teenagers exist, by and large, to aggravate adults…and they do so with exquisite skill and panache.
I’ll freely admit to detesting saggy pants. From where I sit, they’re just about the stupidest thing imaginable. Why would anyone want to see anyone’s underpants is a question I can’t begin to answer. “Boxers or briefs?” should be a rhetorical question, with the answer being neither desired nor implied. Fashion statements being what they are, saggy pants are just another bump in a long road of silly, pointless trends that have no reason for existence…other than to aggravate adults with often hilarious results. If you don’t get it, you’re just too old. Guilty as charged.
Yes, saggy pants are stupid, they’re pointless, and they defy rational explanation (and sometimes gravity). Nonetheless, we as Americans cherish the right to be stupid. We’ve all done it…and some of us are still doing it. As long as there’s no loss of blood involved, where’s the harm? Besides, you might as well ignore the saggy pants. Becoming upset about the silliness will only encourage those unable to buy pants that fit properly.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find my ‘do rag and my Twins cap. The ladies LOVE it when I wear it backwards. Peace out….
