In a move of government oppression we can sort of get behind, Iran’s culture ministry has banned a number of men’s haircuts including the mullet and other “decadent Western cuts.”…. There is actually a guide to which styles are now acceptable for male citizens. The catalog will be unveiled later this month at the Modesty and Veil Festival, which we wish was something we made up for comedy but is, in fact, a real actual event.
Iran’s economy is in the toilet. Young people are leaving in droves because there are few opportunities available. The government’s version of Islam is roughly equivalent to that of a North Korean political re-education camp. Iran’s revolution has become the international equivalent of the NFL: No Fun ‘Llowed. Worst of all, the country’s an international pariah and laughing stock. So…you’d think that the Iranian government would be hard at work trying to make things better for their people and trying to become a more cooperative member of the international community…right? Well, if you’re thinking along those lines, you clearly know nothing about Iran, mate. Why, you ask? ‘Cuz the latest government initiative to ensure conformity with their twisted definition of Islamic mores is…wait for it…banning mullets. Yes, “hockey hair” is officially considered “un-Islamic” by the self-righteous, uber-religious pinheads in power.
I’m not here to defend “hockey hair”, and I’m not altogether crying over the idea of banning what is arguably the world’s worst hair style. Still, even a libertine such as myself has difficulty imagining what the mullet has to do with Islam. If you’ve figured out that this decree is less about Islamic fealty, poor taste and/or hirsute dissent than controlling every aspect of an individual’s life, thoughts, and actions…well, you’re today’s prize winner.
THIS is the Revolution that promised to free Iranians from the evil, oppression, and privations of the Great Satan? I understand that America wasn’t exactly overly concerned with Iran (outside of it’s oil reserves) for far too long…but the Revolution is an improvement? All the idealists who occupied the American Embassy and kick-started the Revolution really did was to trade one despotic, repressive regime (the Shah and his SAVAK thugs) for another (the Mullahs and their self-righteous religious oppression). Nice work, eh? God is great, indeed….
So, Iran…how’s that “hopey, changey” thing workin’ out fer ya??
