Allen: I make my living with my hands
Charlie: Really? Somebody’s paying you to masturbate?- Two And A Half Men
It’s not often I have an opportunity to step back and reflect on the cornucopia of ideas that is da Interwebs…and it’s not going to happen today, either. I’d like to say that I carefully reviewed each of today’s features for accuracy, reasonableness, and boobies, but I haven’t. You’ll just have to take me at my word that what follows is some, first-class, Grade A, top-quality Internet truthiness. Someone’s trying to blow up my neighborhood, I’m sick, my head is killing me, and I just don’t have the available and necessary powers of concentration to do what needs to be done. So, just enjoy the madness and let the silliness wash over you….
HIV/AIDS comes from Gays making out with vampires. Or something like that. Anyway, there’s a lot of blood involved.
If the milk in your carton tastes like dead mouse, you might not want to keep drinking if for three days. Yeah, I know…Captain Obvious is in da house, right??
North Korea now has their own Facebook account…and luckily for you lonely, horny guys, the Hermit Kingdom is looking for men.
There some sort of new cult in Washington that believes in worshipping former President George W. Bush as some sort of inspired, godly leader. Apparently, part of the cult’s initiation ritual involves sacrificing a young virgin female intern…bit they’re having trouble locating any.
Sharron Angle is starring in The Devil Wears Shoulder Pads. No word yet on whether Anne Hathaway will be reprising her role as the clueless ingenue.
Little Ricky Santorum is being forced to run for President by desperate Iowa Conservatives, who clearly feel that what the 2012 race lacks is a focus on man-on-dog sex.
Roger Clemens is dumber than a box of hair. Really.
Former President George W. Bush is a quote machine…if by “machine” you mean something that currently is producing nothing of meaning or value.
This could be a great country…if only President Obama would go to church and thump his Bible more often.
Some Tea Party Candidates are VERY poor losers
Glenn Beck truly IS the dumbest biped dragging his knuckles on the face of the planet today. He’s so phenomenally freakin’ stupid that he thinks he’s smart. Rick Sanchez isn’t exactly a Nobel Prize candidate, either.
College rankings are crap. You, and your precious, college-age urchin, can thank me later.
