At the rate we’re going, chocolate is going to be a rare—and extremely pricey—commodity within the next twenty years. Somebody needs to light a fire under those Oompa-Loompas, stat. The problem’s easy to explain, and much harder to fix. According to the Cocoa Research Association, we’re consuming more chocolate than we’re producing cocoa. Which means, eventually, we’re going to run out…. What will the shortage mean? $11 Snickers bars, sooner than you think. Pretzels given out for Halloween. Or more candy made from carob, a poor substitute for the sweet and sticky real deal.
This has got to somehow be Barack Obama’s fault, don’tchathink?? After all, wasn’t one of his campaign promises making certain that the federal government ensured that there would be a steady, safe, and reliable supply of chocolate now and into the future? Now look at it; no repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, no extension of middle class tax cuts…and in 20 years we could well be running out of chocolate.
EVERYBODY PANIC!!!
The biggest problem with this, of course, is that dateless horny males will lose a tool that has historically proven effective in breaking down female resistance. Without chocolate to increase their odds, fewer men will likely succeed in convincing women to lower their standards enough to sleep with them. I don’t know about you, but this has the makings of a serious crisis, y’all…right behind unemployment, the economic downturn, and the Dallas Cowboys’ lost season. You’d think that the Obama Administration would be focusing on the coming chocolate shortage and treating it as a looming crisis. Sadly, as in so many other instances, it appears that the White House is caving into to Republican lethargy on this issue. In about 20 years, men will become increasingly desperate in their struggle for female companionship. This will inevitably lead to increased unrest, perhaps even rioting as men struggle to come to grips with the realities of why they can’t get laid. It’s a horrible future to contemplate…and yet the Obama Administration continues to fiddle while Rome burns.
Isn’t it time that we demanded leadership?? If not now, when??
