Millions of Americans went to airports last week for Thanksgiving travel and to stare down the gossipy new machines that show people pictures of travelers’ naked bodies. This was supposed to be an ACTUAL reenactment of the Boston Tea Party, because hurried Thanksgiving airport visitors were supposed to take these scanners and throw them into the nearest body of water, according to National Opt-Out Day. But then basically nobody opted out. And now America has finally surrendered in its epic battle to never let another soul know its dick length. These machines and TSA agents will be forced to do gross sex things with your genitals for the rest of their lives, the end.
Well, it’s good to know that Americans can still rise up as one and scream, “ENOUGH!!” when circumstances demand it. Wait, what? You mean National Opt-Out Day came and went, and 99.897% of travelers treated it like any other day, meekly subjecting themselves to the TSA’s soft-core porn generator machines?? Yep, approximately TWO people nationwide opted out of going through the scanners. The protest that generated so much media attention was, apparently, a complete non-starter. As they would any other day, Americans meekly subjected themselves to the mandatory naked picturizing required of all who wish to be granted the supreme privilged of boarding a cattle car airplane.
Jeebus, but we’re a sorry collection of sheep, aren’t we? The Lords of Security Theater decree that in order to make us feel safe, they must see naked pictures of us…and so we meekly comply. TSA screeners get to see what’s normally reserved for those who would blindfold us, chain us to a four-poster bed, and cover our naked bodies in chocolate sauce and whipped cream.
Truly, those who would trade liberty for security deserve neither….
