The 7 Craziest Things Ever Done to Get Laid. Breaking out of a Nazi POW camp- and back into another- just to get laid. Dude’s my new hero, knowhutimean?
Bachmann Calls For Huge Corporate Tax Cut Alongside Tax Increase For The Working Poor. Because the working poor generally don’t donate to or vote for Republicans.
Boehner Makes Weiner Joke. Man, this one’s just WAY too easy….
Santorum: Doctors Providing Abortions To Rape And Incest Victims Should Be Criminally Charged. Because when you get right down to it, women are vessels- and as such are the property of men.
Can of Pringles Causes Bomb Scare At Bilderberg Meeting In Switzerland. [Insert explosive diarrhea joke here]
Why Washington Isn’t Doing Squat About Jobs and Wages. I’m going to go out on a limb and hazard a guess here: Because they really just don’t give a damn about anything that doesn’t directly impact their political prospects?
Things to Do With Dead Loved Ones: Donate Them to Goodwill. Because it’s all about the tax deduction, don’tchaknow?
Iowa GOP Legislator Tells Young People Not To Worry About Government, ‘Go Home’. Because, as any REAL American knows, Republicans only acknowledge well-fed wealthy White men who write them large checks.
Wasserman Schultz Calls Out RNC Chair Priebus Sex Scandal Hypocrisy. One hypocrite calling out an even bigger hypocrite? Nice.
Dessert Injures Four at Florida Restaurant. Things immediately went from bad to worse, and Dave knew that he wouldn’t be getting laid that night.
Koch Bros. Post Fake Eviction Notices On Houses, To ‘Startle People’. When the only thing that matters is advancing your narrow agenda, this is about what you can expect.
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker’s War On Craft Beer. Man, you’d think he’d be trying to find ways to keep Democrats drunk and uninvolved.
Rohrabacher To Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki: Repay The U.S. For Invading Your Country. Sure, at about the same time the US government repays Iraq for all the civilians killed in the war.
The Breitbart Effect: Why Weiner’s Boring (Non-) Sex Scandal Is Getting More Play Than Republicans’ Sordid Sexcapades. Because Democrats lack the balls to scream “DAVID VITTER!!”, that’s why.
Rick Perry Resigns Control Of Texas: God In Charge As of August 6. Because, now the Perry has completely screwed Texas, prayer is the only hope he’s got left.
Perry’s prayer event will put Christianity’s worst on display. This is as much about Christianity as Jeffrey Dahmer was about vegetarianism.
