A woman claims she had a 13-year affair with Herman Cain. You know what that means? While he was fooling around with those four other women, he was cheating on his mistress.
-Jay Leno
The Christmas season has officially started. Today I saw Herman Cain wearing his mistletoe belt buckle.
-Jay Leno
In the tradition of a true performance artist, Herman Cain announced yesterday that he’s “suspending” his campaign. This can be interpreted one of two ways, I suppose: either Cain’s trying to find a face-saving way to bail from the sinking ship that was his campaign…or this is all part of his act, just another plot twist. Perhaps Cain doesn’t intend for his “suspension” to be a coda; perhaps it’s just another way to keep the narrative flowing while he treads water. A very wise man once said that the key to success as a performer is to always leave them wanting more. Perhaps Cain is just exiting stage left while he knows he still has something left up his sleeve. Perhaps it’s all just a diversion until Cain delivers the big finish.
Or perhaps the comical farce that is/was the Cain candidacy all along finally just dropped the curtain for the final time…and Cain just hasn’t been able to come to grips with the reality that the dream is dead.
Herman Cain — whose campaign has been dogged by allegations of sexual harassment first unearthed and reported by Politico about two months ago — announced that he is suspending his campaign “because of these false and unproved accusations” that have inflicted a “tremendous painful price on my family.”
With his wife Gloria standing behind him and cheering him on, Cain said the accusations about his infidelity and harassment are being “spinned in the media,” and “that spin hurts.” “I am at peace with my wife, and she is at peace with me!” Cain insisted.
Cain added that the accusations have cast a “cloud of doubt over me and this campaign” and were distracting from his ability to present solutions to the American public.
Arrogant to the end, and evidently incapable of accepting any responsibility for his philandering and dishonesty, Cain resorted to blaming the media. His arrogance, his ignorance on the issues, and his lack of preparation had NOTHING to do with his demise, of course. What else could it be BUT the Liberal Media? (“I’m just a man! I have needs!!”)
Not that Cain ever really had a chance, of course. Even if he had somehow managed to survive his growing zipper problem and secure the GOP nomination, Barack Obama would have mopped the floor with the Hermanator during any debate. Perhaps it’s better than Cain is saving himself- and America- from that embarrassment. Speaking for myself, I will miss the Hermanator. I’ll miss the ignorance, the arrogance, and the hypocrisy. I’ll miss the moral certitude and self-righteousness of a man willing to expound on moral issues while living in his own moral black hole. I’ll miss the comic gold mine that Cain the candidate truly wa.
Au revoir, mon ami; enjoy the peace and quiet…at least until your wife files for divorce and (deservedly) takes you for everything you have.
