When you sit down in front of your just-out-of-the-box 81” 1080p HDTV to worship the gods of football during today’s Super Bowl, you’ll undoubtedly be thinking about what a uniquely and powerful American event it is. Few things unite Americans like the 3+ hours of violence punctuated by committee meetings (apologies to George Will) that is the NFL’s championship game. Millions will be rooting for the Giants, other millions for the Patriots, and the rest of us will just be hoping the game won’t be over for all intents and purposes by the 10:00 mark of the second quarter.
We tend to think of football as being quintessentially American, a game that defines and expresses our unique place in the world…and there’s some truth to that. Football promotes teamwork, collective struggle towards a common goal, brotherhood, ignorance of pain, and…Socialism.
Wait…WHAT???
No, that’s not a typo. In fact, the NFL is the apotheosis of a Socialist utopia. The NFL’s 32 team work together as a cartel for the common good. They share revenue, marketing efforts…even the league’s annual player draft is an exercise in enforcing parity. It’s been this way for what seems like forever…and yet no Conservative or member of the Tea Party has ever raised their voice in protest. How can this be?? How is it that those on the Right can willfully and blithely ignore the largest and most visible example of all they despise? Why aren’t they screaming SOCIALISM!!! as they would when ranting about health care reform?
Why isn’t the Tea Party (and their Conservative fellow travelers) decrying the anti-Americanness of the NFL? Why does Roger Goodell hate America?
No matter how successful the NFL is, at its core, a multi-billion dollar example of Socialism run amok. Commissioner Goodell was hired by 32 team owners to enforce conformity and unity of effort among them (which has got to be akin to herding cats). Most league revenues go into a communal pot and is then split 32 ways. This means that small-market teams like the (evil, blood-sucking) Green Bay Packers have as much chance at a Super Bowl Championship (which they won last year) as a team like the (subway-riding elitist) New York Giants.
All one has to do is look at Major League Baseball to see the beauty and unrivaled moral supremacy of the every-man-for-himself model. In MLB, each team, though part of a collective, gets to keep all the money they make. This means a small-market team like the Kansas City Royals has as much chance at a World Series championship as I do of being elected Queen of England. The “haves” buy successful teams while the “have nots” develop players who, once they begin to succeed, depart for large-market teams that can afford to pay the outsized salaries they expect. How very American, eh?
In spite of this seeming contradiction, the NFL is and continues to be most wildly successful cartel in the world. Conversely, MLB is a bleeping mess. There’s a reason I continue to refer to MLB Commissioner Bud Selig as Satan. Despite the example provided by the NFL, Satan continues to indulge the Lords of Baseball in the pursuit of their flawed, inefficient, and frankly silly business model. MLB is successful in spite of itself, the NFL because it recognizes that they’re far better together than flailing away as 32 separate entities.
Could it be that Socialism isn’t a flawed social model? Could it be that the Randian every-man-for-himself Social Darwinistic model is inherently flawed? And could it be that Conservatives and teabaggers are screaming in righteous indignation about something that really don’t even understand? Yeah, go figure, right? Most of those folks couldn’t define Socialism if you handed them the Encyclopedia Brittanica, a Sherpa, and a political science Nobel laureate.
I hope you’ll enjoy the game free of fears of creeping, incipient Socialism. I hope your team wins. Just don’t think too much about how Socialism the NFL’s business model outperforms Randian capitalism Major League Baseball’s every-man-for-himself cluster%$#@. ‘Cuz then you’d have to think about the ignorance and hypocrisy of those on the Far Right who scream “SOCIALISM!!!!” every time the discussion turns to looking out for the common good…and no good, God-fearing, red-blooded, patriotic Christian American would have that, knowhutimean??
Game on….
