Today in “Obama Derangement Syndrome”: We all know that our illegitimate Kenyan Muslim President is a closet socialist who hates Christianity with a fiery, unquenchable passion. But did you know that he’s now taking on the Catholic Church because he’s demanding that the Catholic Church ordain female priests?
ZOMG!!! Didjaheardidjaheardidjahear?? It’s true!! Rick Santorum said so!!
You see, Santorum understands one very basic truth (really, the Prime Directive) about being a Republican. It’s not about truth; it’s about what you can convince the American Sheeple is true. And Rick Santorum has never been one to let the truth stand in the way of impugning the President based on specious, offensive allegations. Hey, if people believe it’s true…then it is, capice??
Look, if Santorum said that Barack Obama was a space alien from the Planet Zorg whose evil plan calls for assimilating Conservatives and crush their religion…Americans would believe it if Santorum repeated it often enough and with enough fervor and conviction. We’re. Just. That. Stupid.
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I’m thinking that you’d really have to believe that the decline of Western civilization is proceeding at warp speed when this sort of headline finds its way to me: Bestiality brothels spur call for animal sex ban. Yeah, I know…repeat after me: WTF???
I suppose the fact that this story takes place in Germany makes it a bit more understandable, but still…. If you’re idea of a good time in any shape, manner, or form involves using an animal in the pursuit of sexual gratification…Dude, I don’t even know where to begin, because you’ve some SERIOUS issues. If the phrase, “Animal sex abuse is on the rise in Germany, with bestiality brothels being set up across the country” doesn’t make you wonder if the Apocalypse isn’t already upon us, I’m not certain what would.
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So, Iran’s officially admitting to sponsoring terrorism? I know; I was shocked as well. And they seemed like such a nice, friendly reactionary regime controlled be despots and religious zealots.
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Oh, in case you were wondering, women really are sperm receptacles and the property of men…and Republicans want you to know they’re working hard to make that the law of the land. Yeah, so how’s that “small government thing” working out for you?
ALL YER UTERUS R BELONG TO US….
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Here’s another WWJD Public Service: Gawker’s ranking of 47 Sports and Fitness Activities…just in case you’re wondering what form of exercise is best to commit to and then studiously avoid. You can thank me later.
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Here’s a pro tip: If you’re planning on going on a killing spree, you might not want to advertise your plans ahead of time on MySpace…not that anyone’s actually on MySpace anymore…except for serial killers and wannabes.
