I’ll begin by stating the blindingly obvious just in case someone misses it: I’m not a child behavioral psychologist. I don’t even play one on TV. Hell, I don’t even have children. Accordingly, I make no claim to any sort of expertise when it comes to child behavior issues. That said, even I have to think there’s a pretty simple solution available for this scenario.
Yes, I imagine being a sports fan in Cleveland sucks. A lot of things about Cleveland sucks, but that’s a matter of personal preference, and I don’t want to gratuitously piss off one of my biggest fans. I know adults who have problems dealing with the mediocre-to-awful professional sports environment in Cleveland. Most adults, though, can put things in perspective and deal with disappointment in something resembling healthy ways. Children may not be emotionally mature enough to deal with that sort of frequent and predictable suckage.
If your child engages in animal abuse after watching his team lose, your response, should NOT be to ponder whether to get rid of the family dog. That’s like telling a rape victim that she should have been wearing curlers and sweat pants.
Likewise, not wanting to seek professional help for your child because “he said he’d hate me forever if I do” is not an effective way to deal with the issue. Therefore, in the interest of the public good, I’m going to make my first, last, and only foray into family counseling. Here goes:
1) GROW A PAIR, WILLYA?? Who’s the adult in the family? Who’s in charge? If you can’t lay down the law to your little tyrant, you have no business being a parent. Put him up for adoption and take a vow of chastity.
2) If you have a problem with suggestion #1, please get a vasectomy. NOW.
3) Assuming you can be convinced to deal with this problem like an honest-to-God adult, it’s time to set some boundaries for your darling little angel. There are little things I like to call “incentives” and “punishments” that can be used to modify behavior. Like, f’rinstance….
4) If your child acts out when his team loses, you could simply prevent him from watching his team play until and unless he can process losing in an appropriate manner.
I could go on, but I’d have to charge y’all. Besides, I have a feeling that if you’re this astonishingly inept as a parent, you’re probably not going to care what I have to say, anyway.
Good luck visiting Johnny when he’s doing 25-to-life for aggravated assault and manslaughter….
