Seagulls in Argentina have changed from your standard beach pests into whale killing monsters, or so say Argentine authorities. It appears seagulls there have taken to pecking tiny bits of flesh from the backs of southern right whales as they surface for air, which naturally hurts the whales but, more importanly, hurts the whale watching industry in the area. As the AP put it, the seagull attacks are damaging the “region’s tourism industry as well, by turning whale-watching from a magical experience into something sad and gruesome.” Local tourist officials agree.
As it becomes increasingly evident that global climate change has turned normally placid seagulls into whale-flesh-craving killing machines, Argentina is grappling with the problem of how to save their tourist industry. I mean, who’s going to want to come to Argentina to watch southern right whales being nibbled to death by seagulls?
So, what’s a desperately poor country to do? Clearly, the passage of time has allowed the problem to grow to critical levels, and so the government is left with only one option: it’s time to begin executing seagulls. It turns out that the seemingly simple act of seagull massacre isn’t quite so simple after all.
Under a government-sponsored warplan called the “100-day Whale-Gull Action Plan,” authorities are planning to shoot as many seagulls as possible using rifles and then, somewhat improbably, recovering the dead birds before other marine life eat the bullet-filled gulls, which would create even more environmental damage.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, eh? Man, you can’t even execute seagulls without invoking the Law of Unintended Consequences….
The moral of the story: If you’ve ever been dive-bombed and splattered by a seagull, now would be a good time to move to Argentina, where you can exact revenge…and then some.
