January 26, 2013 7:00 AM

"First we'll kill all the lawyers...." and how about we start in New Jersey?

MOUNT HOLLY — Two New Jersey men sued Subway this week, claiming the world’s biggest fast-food chain has been shorting them by selling so-called footlong sandwiches that measure a bit less than 12 inches. The suit, filed Tuesday in Superior Court in Mount Holly, may be the first legal filing aimed at the sandwich shops after an embarrassment went viral last week when someone posted a photo of a footlong and a ruler on the company’s Facebook page to show that the sandwich was not as long as advertised. At the time, the company issued a statement saying that the sandwich length can vary a bit when franchises do not bake to the exact corporate standards. Stephen DeNittis, the lawyer for the plaintiffs in the New Jersey suit, said he’s seeking class-action status and is also preparing to file a similar suit in Pennsylvania state court in Philadelphia.

I understand that truth in advertising is a good and desirable thing, something to be expected without question from any reputable business. This being an imperfect world, there are time when things don’t always work according to plan. This points to the possibility that in some cases your product may, well, come up short.

This is why our law schools continue turning out lawyers.

When it comes to Subway’s sandwiches, it seems size matters, and the realization that (GASP!!! OMG!! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN???) the chain’s footlong sandwiches may not in facts always be a full 12” long is cause for considerable alarm…among those who see an opportunity for a huge (and wholly unwarranted) payday.

BURN THE WITCH!!! (And while you’re at it, sue the witch for a ridiculous sum of money and pray for a settlement.)

Subway’s response, which left a bit to be desired from a PR standpoint, was that sometimes, if their loaves aren’t baked to corporate standards, their footlong sandwich may come up short.


This being America, it was only a matter of time before- you guessed it- someone sued Subway, and so it’s come to pass that two New Jersey men have filed suit. I’m guessing they’re seeking redress for all those hungry Subway customers who’ve been shortchanged over the years by the chain’s parsimonious dishonesty.

[DeNittis] said he’s had sandwiches from 17 shops measured — and every one came up short.

“The case is about holding companies to deliver what they’ve promised,” he said.

Even though the alleged short of a half-inch or so of bread is relatively small, it adds up, he said. Subway has 38,000 stores around the world, nearly all owned by franchisees and its $5 footlong specials have been a mainstay of the company’s ads for five years.

DeNittis said both plaintiffs — John Farley, of Evesham and Charles Noah Pendrack, of Ocean City — came to him after reading last week about the short sandwiches.

DeNittis is asking for compensatory damages for his client and a change in Subway’s practices.

The Milford, Conn.-based firm should either make sure its sandwiches measure a full foot or stop advertising them as such.

I’d agree that if Subway has a consistent and long-term problem they should tighten their business practices and live up to their advertising. Honestly, though; someone’s tying up legal resources and court time because their sandwiches are a half-inch to an inch short? Really? How is this beneficial to society?

If the biggest problem Messrs. Farley and Pendrack face in their otherwise miserable, pointless existence is that their footlong sandwich is a mere 11-11 1/2”…I’d submit that they lead a charmed existence. If you feel moved to demand redress by filing suit…well, there are two possibilities: one, you have WAY too much time on your hands, and/or two, you’re looking for a lifestyle upgrade by scoring a big payday in the form of a settlement check. Either way, it’s a silly misuse of our legal system that we all pay for. I can only hope the judge assigned the case laughs them out of court. This being America, though, Subway will probably settle after determining that it’s the lowest ultimate cost to them. Voila!! Instant payday. Spend it wisely, y’all….

I love America….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on January 26, 2013 7:00 AM.

Hitler took the guns! Stalin took the guns! Castro took the guns! Except when they didn't. was the previous entry in this blog.

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