I don’t expect people to understand, much less agree with, my decision to go vegan. What I find truly amusing are the myriad ways in which my diet is misunderstood and misconstrued. That’s why I find this list, courtesy of BuzzFeed, to be so spot-on. Without further ado, then (complete with my witty and erudite commentary):
1) People who pronounce it “vaygun.”
How do you know when someone doesn’t have a clue what being vegan means (“You’re gluten-free, right??”)? This is a pretty good indication.
2) Everyone you know is suddenly a nutrition expert.
It’s fascinating how no one cares about your protein intake until they find out you’re vegan. Then they wonder how you could POSSIBLY get enough protein if you don’t eat meat.
3) Suboptimal fake meats.
Yeah, I know; it’s still very much a hit-or-miss proposition. The science and the technology has improved, but there’s still room for improvement. With some fake meat products, you can almost taste the science. You can’t expect fake meats to approximate the taste of the real thing, but some come surprisinglyclose.
4) The vegan option at a restaurant is ALWAYS a wrap.
Fortunately, this isn’t quite as true in Portland, where it’s generally pretty easy to be vegan. Next week, Erin and I will be in Austin, TX. Fortunately, Austin is better than most of Texas, which looks at herbivores as something akin to Hamas loyalists.
5) The vegan option at a wedding is ALWAYS grilled vegetables.
It’s an imperfect world, and when you decide to go vegan, you have to understand this. Hey, if this biggest complaint you have is the food at wedding receptions…well, you’re leading a charmed existence, knowhutimean?
6) And let’s not even talk about continental breakfast at a hotel.
Try talking to the hotel staff. The odds are pretty good that they’ll be willing to do something to accommodate you.
7) Getting constantly trapped under the weight of your own logic.
Boy, some folks are quite threatened by the idea that you don’t eat meat. This is more a reflect on them and their own insecurities than it is on you. You’re under no obligation to justify your lifestyle to anyone.
8) Secretly finding this funny.
You might as well learn to laugh about it, because the misunderstandings are going to magically disappear.
9) People saying “humans are ‘meant’ to be carnivores.”
You know the argument, right? “It’s called a ‘food chain’ for a reason,” but where is it written that humans must consume animal flesh?
10) Getting lumped in with the gluten-free people.
I know; learn to laugh about it…because that’s not likely to change in our lifetime.
11) The “vegan at a dinner party” joke.
When carnivores feel the need to demonstrate their self-defined superiority, this is the card they’ll play.
12) No, seriously. The “vegan at a dinner party” joke.
How do you find a vegan at a dinner party? Seriously, what’s so funny about that??
13) People saying stuff like this and thinking they’ve vanquished you with their genius.
Look, we understand that perfect consistency is impossible. Animal products, no matter how hard one may try, are impossible to avoid. Why is it that carnivores expect perfect consistency from vegans, yet refuse to hold themselves to that same standard?
14) Not being able to eat cheese.
Hey, just because we’re vegan doesn’t mean we don’t occasionally miss certain foods. I miss bacon. Then I remember how much better I feel since I went vegan, and suddenly giving up bacon seems a small trade-off.
15) Cake at the office.
Sometimes you just can’t. Deal with it. It’s not like someone held a gun to your head and told you not to eat meat or dairy products, right? Don’t expect people to cater to your dietary sensibilities; that way, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when someone does.
16) People who don’t know peanut butter doesn’t have butter and coconut milk doesn’t have milk.
Hey, stupid people are everywhere. They’re not worth losing sleep over.
17) Being called a hypocrite if you feed your pet meat, and crazy if you don’t.
It’s “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” Just because I’m vegan…well, that doesn’t mean I expect every sentient being around me to make my choice their own. Nor do I lose much sleep over what others think of my choices.
18) Other Vegans.
Yeah, some of us can be rather preachy and annoying. Those folks bug me as well, but they’re easy to ignore.
19) And, finally…the comment section for every article ever written about veganism.
Which is why I don’t read the comment section on those articles. The self-righteous, intolerant preachiness really is quite annoying.
