Doing his patriotic duty...one oversized rubber penis at at time

“There’s no question we could make more money if we packed up and went to China like our competitors,” says Chad Braverman, 30, Doc Johnson’s COO, as we walk by the vein station, where workers with small, precise brushes apply spidery red and blue lines to the rubber shafts. Doc Johnson is not immune from the benefit of cheap outsourced labor: It contracts with a Chinese manufacturer to produce 25% of the rubber products and motors for Doc Johnson items. I ask Braverman if, as time goes on, he would consider increasing that percentage. “No,” he says. “I remain committed to our current ratio. We think it’s important to stay loyal to the country and values that allow this kind of product and manufacturing to take place.” While Doc Johnson’s products are not luxury items, its American workforce does result in a hike in retail prices; Braverman says that price increase reflects “quality.”

Yeah, I know; this is supposed to be a family show and SFW. Every now and again, though,I like to go off the rails, especially when I run across a good story, something that makes one proud to be an American. And what could be more American than a dildo factory? For some reason, I found myself thinking, “Hmm…I wonder where those things come from?” Turns out that dildos are one of the few things that we still make in this country. Yes, there’s a market for oversized rubber penises…and in true capitalistic fashion there’s an American company willing, ready, and able to meet the demand.

Of course, working in a dildo factory is not like working in virtually any other sort of factory. When you spend your days surrounded by a surfeit of rubber phalluses, what happens when you see the real thing (which is generally considerably smaller)? And how do you explain what you do for a living? I mean, something as simple as updating your resume must present some real challenges, knowhutimean?

I instituted and supervised a program that resulted in a 24% reduction in defective dildos….

I created and conducted Dildo World’s aggressive, hands-on quality control process….

Thank God America still makes quality products that provide work for good, God-fearing, patriotic Americans. Sure, they’re producing a product generally only used in the privacy of one’s boudoir, but Chad Braverman is proving that America still works and he’s keeping the work here at home. As long as Americans go home alone at night, there will be an American company willing to help fill that hole…and not just figuratively speaking.

Remember, no matter how much you think your job sucks, at least you don’t spend your days surrounded by dicks.

Stay hard, America!