After banning the presence of any female hygiene products from its Senate floor, Texas passed its restrictive abortion law last night, which will ban abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy as well as install new regulations that will most likely drive abortion clinics out of business. Texas Governor/tanned leather boot Rick Perry told supporters after the vote that, “Today the Texas Legislature took its final step in our historic effort to protect life.” He applauded those who “tirelessly defended our smallest and most vulnerable Texans and future Texans.”…. The final vote came amid protests from both outside and inside the Senate gallery, as opponents of the bill came together to try one last time to stop the vote. Senator Kirk Watson, a Democrat from Austin, told another lawmaker that “women don’t understand why you keep coming after them.” Senator Dan Patrick, a Republican, replied “I suggest babies are thinking the same thing.”
Thanks to the tireless efforts of the Good, God-fearing Christian Patriots © in the Texas Legislature, women in the Lone Star State have been relieved of the burden of making decision regarding their reproductive functions. Now that their uteri are the property of the State, Texas women no longer will have to worry their pretty little heads about how to handle an unintended and/or unwanted pregnancy. Well-fed Conservative White males will make those decisions for them:
ALL YOUR UTERUS ARE BELONG TO US!!1!1!1!!11
Yep, thanks to the gentlemanly consideration and thoughtfulness of the Good, God-fearing Christian Patriots © in Austin, Conservatives have managed to shrink government to a size small enough to fit into a woman’s vagina. They’ve done what no one believed they could- they got government off the backs of the middle class and the “job creators”…and installed that government in a place women used to consider private. Of course, when your uterus has been legally defined (in effect, if not in so many words) as the property of the State…well, privacy is for losers and Liberals, knowhutimean??
And, as if things couldn’t possibly become any sillier, there’s this: You can carry a gun into the gallery of the Texas Senate, BUT NOT A TAMPON. When you value your guns more than your women, THAT’S when you know you’re in Texas.
“No tampons or maxi pads but they’re perfectly fine with douches in the Senate chamber.”
I can’t help but wonder what happened to the party that opposed Obamacare because they were convinced it would insert Big Government between a patient and their doctor? Now the GOP has no problem with the idea of inserting their version of “small government” between a women and her OB-GYN? Are they really so thoroughly lacking in self-awareness that they can’t recognize the stunning hypocrisy represented by their position? What happened to “getting government off our backs?”
Oh, right; when Social Conservatives do it, it’s protecting the unborn from the fickleness of female depravity. As any Good, God-fearing Christian Patriot © knows, female hormones prevent women from thinking clearly enough to make sound, rational decisions about a pregnancy. And, as any Good, God-fearing Christian Patriot © can tell you, the people best equipped to make those decisions are socially conservative Christian White males.
The fact that the Good, God-fearing Christian Patriots © in the Texas Legislature reacted as they did to an online rumor about women throwing feminine hygiene products at Senators on the floor should tell you they recognize that what they’re doing is inherently evil. Of course, when you’re a self-righteous, hyper-religious zealot absolutely convinced that God is on your side, you wear opprobrium as a badge of honor, eh?
There was also a rumor that “proaborts” were planning to flash their “lady parts” in the senate gallery. So far, vaginas have not been confiscated.
As if that would make a difference. Indeed, it would undoubtedly convince the Christocrats in the Texas Senate of the righteousness of their cause. After all, didn’t Jesus suffer in order to save sinners? Don’t laugh; more than one Texas legislator has already compared themselves to Jesus Christ. They really are Just. That. Arrogant.
There are many things I miss about Texas. The self-righteous, hyper-religious conviction that God is on the side of Conservative White Christians isn’t on that list. What I find even more amazing (and depressing) is that most of the zealots who’ve made the uterus the property of the State were elected with a large degree of support from women, who’ve willing participated in their own subjugation. It seems a large percentage of Texas women are comfortable with being legally defined as second class citizens and the property of men.
Fortunately, there are also women in Texas who aren’t about to take being treated so dismissively without a fight…and I get the sense this one is just beginning. It may take some time, but in the end I believe he Tampons of Mass Destruction will prevail- because evil and oppression isn’t sustainable over the long haul.
