A gay teenager has received an outpouring of support online after he detailed his father’s hostile reaction to him coming out - in which his dad allegedly described the situation as “worse than death”. Tyler, 15, posted screenshots of messages, which he says were sent to him by his father via Facebook messenger, on his Tumblr account. In them Tyler, who lives in Vancouver, Canada, had been told that he had brought “shame and embarrassment” on his family and should “stay away”…. He went on to suggest that his son’s sexuality was an inappropriate and ungrateful response to the sacrifices made by his parents in bringing him up.
It’s difficult enough to be a teenager in this day and age. Kids today face so many more challenges than my generation did…and what we endured to get through our teen years was no picnic. The idea that a 15-year-old boy could face such horrific and heartless rejection from his father- one of the two people on the planet a child should be able to expect acceptance, support, and unconditional love from- hurts me to my core. The fact that Tyler’s father could only do something so cruel via text message (he still hasn’t expressed this feelings in person because Tyler apparently hasn’t seen him in months) is something unfathomable.
The idea that a father is more concerned about what people might think about him than about the well-being of his son says about all anyone could need to know about his fitness and worthiness as a parent and as a human being. His son has come to a place where he can admit what’s real and authentic about himself…and his father, who should be able to be counted on to be there for his son, is more worried about himself. I find that to be beyond distressing.
I’m not going to engage in public shaming of the father, in part because he’s done a bang-up job on his own, but also because I don’t know the entire story. Thankfully, this is a situation in which the good side of the Internet can- and did- come to the fore. The online tribe, often quite ruthless in its rush to judgment and determination to utterly destroy an individual for crimes real or perceived, in this case came to Tyler’s support. Turns out the Internet does have a heart.
Perhaps there is hope for humanity after all.
However, social media users stepped in and praised Tyler’s bravery. One user wrote: “You’re wonderful and an inspiration.”
And another said: “Just read about your story and I think you are such a brave person for staying true to who you are!”
Many expressed hope that his father would come to accept his sexuality. One user wrote: “I haven’t told my dad because I fear his reaction. I can only hope that your dad can be your dad again.”
And another said: “I think it’s sad that there are still people who think being gay makes you a different person. I wish you all the best!”
I’ve always found it astonishing that one must obtain a license to hunt, fish, own a business, drive a car, cut hair…but anyone with a functional libido and plumbing in good working order can make a child. What is easily the most important- and difficult- undertaking is also the least regulated and policed. When you consider the damage done to society by parents as unfit as they are unworthy of the title, it should be criminal. Unfortunately, the idea of government involvement in determining who’s fit and/or worthy of becoming a parenthood is anathema. Society may have a huge stake in ensuring that those who’d wish to raise a child are fit, able, and mature enough to do so, there’s no feasible way to create a system that protects that stake.
The good news in this scenario is that many on social media came through for Tyler. I suspect he has a difficult road ahead of him- not the least of which is having a self-absorbed, narcissistic prick for a father- but at least he knows he’s not along.
I can only hope that at some point Tyler’s father will come to his sense, realize what a precious thing he has in his son, and make amends. Perhaps there’s hope that in time, Tyler will have a father again, one who will see how mercilessly hurtful his original reaction was and realize that it’s not about him. It’s about his son, and doing everything he can to protect and nurture his son.
I can hope…but I’m not about to hold my breath.
