On Facebook, Josh Bush of LaPorte, Texas (because, of course, Texas) shared photos of a hollowed-out pineapple stuffed with two pounds of boneless country style ribs, wrapped in bacon. It’s really quite a meat feat, all of it cooked slow over mesquite. The Internet has dubbed it the “swineapple” and several people have attempted to make their own version of it.
One of the first things I learned living in Texas is that much of the native cuisine is a myocardial infarction looking for a place to happen. Beef, fried food, beer…it seems as if everything good is heavily invested in trying to kill us. Not that most Texans really care, of course; “dying like man” means keeling over with fried chicken grease on your hands and brisket and fries still heaped on your plate.
I lived just a couple miles from LaPorte during my 10+ year sojourn in Texas, so I can understand why someone there might be predisposed to finding new and different culinary applications for committing seppuku Texas-style. If you’ve ever been to LaPorte, you know it’s a wide spot on Highway 225 with not much to offer but refineries, beer halls, and barbecue joints. It stands to reason that someone there with too much time on their hands might want to invent the successor to the Turducken, itself an impressive monument to the culinary arts. Lest default to thinking about the contributions the Swineapple might make to advancing the onset of heart disease, keep in mind that it might just be as close as many Texans get to health food. HELLO?? It’s got fruit!
Shave the pineapple but leave the top and bottom, lay on its side and about an inch in on both sides cut halfway down then with a long blade slice from point to point. Hollow out the desired amount of pineapple. Season your meat with any of your favorite seasonings. A more course rub is better. Put the cut piece back on. To look like a complete pineapple again. Light dust the pineapple with seasoning. Fully wrap it with thick cut bacon. Not just lay it on top. I set it on the smoker @ 240 and sprayed it with apple juice about every 20-30 minutes to keep the bacon moist and colorful. You can change the meat to boneless chicken thighs and get the same results. Alot of people have said the pineapple over tenderized the meat when they tried it. I did not personally have that issue but I would check internal temp about 2 hours into smoking. Once you hit 160 it is up to you of when to pull it.
It’s got fruit in it, people…pineapple, remember?? It’s got your minimum daily requirement of healthy goodness right there, y’all!! And as any good, God-fearing, red-blooded patriotic American knows, bacon makes EVERYTHING better…even dying from occluded arteries. At least you’ll be dying with a smile on your face…and if tasting bacon is to be your last mortal act, you’ve lived a good life.
Man, just thinking about it- bacon, ribs, pineapple- is making my arteries harden. I may have to buy a smoker.
