Midwest Living magazine named the fair one of the “Top 30 Things Every Midwesterner Should Experience.” It ranks just above “Cow-tipping,” and one slot below “Sexual Intercourse (not with sheep).”…. What goes on at the Iowa State Fair? Imagine the love child of #StuffWhitePeopleLike and a Jeff Foxworthy standup set, only slightly more white. There are cow chip-throwing contests, an arm-wrestling contest, hog-calling contests, fair rides, country music, livestock competitions, and more than 900 classes of food that are judged annually (this year’s New Food winner: The Ultimate Bacon Brisket Bomb).
It used to be that the Iowa State fair was home to more livestock that you’d have thought possible to gather in one place, a plethora of fatty, artery-desiccating foodstuffs, and truly bad political theater. All of that is still true, though the political theater has gone from bad to barely tolerable. Ever since the “corndog fellatio pics” of Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann (the gift from the 2012 Republican primary campaign that keeps on giving), the Iowa State Fair has taken on an importance as mythical as it is illusory.
The good news is that outside of the mental masturbation that characterizes so much of the political activity at the fair there’s actually several interesting things going on. For example, in the midwest tradition of digging one’s grave with one’s teeth, this year’s best new food was “The Ultimate Bacon Brisket Bomb).”
Fair officials say the champion treat is just $7 and features 8 oz. of fresh brisket trimmings infused with a light jalapeno cheese, blended with seasonings, and then wrapped in bacon. It is then smoked and lightly sauced in a homemade Sweet Chili BBQ Sauce.
There was no report on the fat, calorie, sodium, nitrate, or cholesterol level in The Ultimate Bacon Brisket Bomb, nor is there apparently any truth to the rumors that anyone ordering it needs to sign a waiver and have a crash cart on standby. I’d post a picture, but this is still (nominally) a family show…and it looks just a little too phallic for the tender sensibilities of my gentle readers.
Proceed at your own peril. Consider yourself warned.
