Do you expect your husband to help with household chores? If you do, you won’t have a happy marriage according to an ultra-conservative Christian editor at the Quiverfull blog, Ladies Against Feminism. Lori Alexander recently posted this photo of a handwritten note on her Facebook page, “Always Learning.”…. Lori is a Titus 2 woman: an older Christian mentor who’s “calling” is to teach the younger women to be good, obedient housewives and prolific babymakers for Jesus…. “Remember,” she wrote, “you didn’t marry your husband to help with the household chores. You married him to be your protector and provider. …. Make his life as easy and as happy as you can.”
I’m always reluctant to wade into the “If you’re married, you must do [insert name of action in question here]” argument. Marriages are (and should be) as idiosyncratic and unique as the individuals in them. One-size-fits-all instructions are nothing if not wasted effort, because what works well in one marriage may well result in complete chaos and utter misery in another. I have friends whose marriages reflect arrangements and agreements that would drive me nuts…but it works for them…and that’s all that really matters, right?
Every couple negotiates the ground rules and road map that govern their relationship. I take out the trash, clean the litter boxes, and make the coffee. Erin does the cooking and handles most of the financial considerations. The division of labor goes deeper than that, of course, but it illustrates that our marriage involves tasks that time and negotiation have devolved to one or the other. It works reasonably well, and it’s subject to change as circumstances may require.
IF a couple has come to an agreement that the woman will handle the housework whilst the husbands kills the buffalo, then good on them. I will say, though, that if a guy gets married with the expectation that his wife cooks, cleans, does the laundry, etc., while he sits on his brains and drinks beer, what you have probably isn’t a marriage. What you most likely have is a watered-down version of indentured servitude.
When you get right down to it, marriage isn’t for the lazy. If you’re fortunate enough to marry someone willing to attend to your every need and whim…well, you’re a lucky man, Cupcake. Just don’t screw it up…’cuz you’re going to have a tough time finding many women willing to do that for you.
