I love Right Wing Watch for the site’s unwavering devotion to covert the American Taliban and other “luminaries” of the Rabid Right. It’s a thankless and mind-bending task, and being making a career of wading through faux-Christian nuttery can’t be easy and/or fun. That said, the comic relief potential is EPIC…at least until you realize that these wackjobs are absolutely 100% dead serious…and totally and completely bat$#!& crazy.
Every now and again, I like to take a stab a debunking the (not so very) intellectual/moral/theological whiz kids who believe that Heaven is the private property and personal playground of Conservative White heterosexual Christians. What follows is some editorializing that in no way reflect the editorial opinion of Right Wing Watch…though I’d hope they’d find some of this at least moderately amusing.
Excerpts from the RWW post are in italics, my comments/observations/hallucinations in parentheses.
….
Former Rep. Michele Bachmann warned on Saturday that the election of Hillary Clinton to the presidency would usher in the complete destruction of America, unless God uses Donald Trump to save the country.
(Thinking God will use Donald Trump to “save the country” is akin to believing that eating a half-gallon of Ben & Jerry’s “Half Baked” ice cream every daily will help you slim down.)
In an interview with End Times broadcaster Jan Markell, the Minnesota Republican lauded Trump’s “1950s sensibilities,” “churched background” and vow to “only appoint pro-life judges.”
(So Markell longs for an America that resembles the set of “The Handmaid’s Tale?” Where churches control a person’s thoughts, words, deeds, and sexuality? Yep, that’s EXACTLY what Jesus would want- an America controlled by Conservative White heterosexuals who believe they have Jesus Christ on speed dial.)
“He gets and understands religious liberty,” Bachmann said, noting that Trump discussed the so-called War on Christmas at a recent meeting with evangelical leaders in New York. “He even said, ‘I don’t understand,’ he said, ‘When I was growing up everybody said Merry Christmas. Even my Jews would say Merry Christmas.’”
(If you’re thinking the “religious liberty” crowd is in ANY way about religious liberty, you’re even more delusional than they are. It has nothing to do with “religious freedom;” it’s all and only about their freedom to force you to live under and be governed by their narrow religious/moral/ideological framework. Sorry, but “religious freedom” doesn’t mean “freedom to force your religion upon others whose only crime is thinking, believing, living, and or loving differently than you.)
Markell also warned of the dangers of Clinton presidency: “The Titanic is three-fourths under water right now. You get another four years, another eight years of this progressivism, of this infatuation with Islam and caving to all things Islam, of the LGBT community rammed down our throats, rammed down the throats of the churches, and that’s going to intensify a thousand times more with a Hillary Clinton administration.”
(What is about the fundies of the American Taliban and their unfortunate penchant for using “shoved down our throats” when they’re disparaging the LGBT community? Did they learn nothing from Rick Perry’s unfortunate “corn dog incident?”)
Bachmann, a member of Trump’s Evangelical Executive Advisory Board, said conservatives who stay home on Election Day rather than vote for Trump will “ensure that we will lose the United States of America; they will ensure it. They will ensure that every godless principle there is comes into this country.”
(Being a member of “Trump’s Evangelical Executive Advisory Board” is not unlike being of Torquemada’s Inquisition. These are people who believe the separation of Church and State is a con perpetrated by losers and Liberals. It appears these folks can’t be bothered to refer to the actual historical documents like the Treaty of Tripoli or Jefferson’s Letter to the Danbury Baptists.)
Clinton, according to Bachmann, will be “pro-Islam” and “bring us into a certain destruction for the United States.”
(That’s the truly awesome about being a card-carrying member of the American Taliban. God is great…and inconvenient things life facts and evidence are completely optional.)
She then wondered if God elevated Trump to succeed in the Republican presidential primary because he was capable of beating Clinton in November: “When it comes down to it, Trump may have been the only candidate who could actually defeat Hillary. What I kept thinking to, Jan, was the Book of Daniel, and the Book of the Daniel, the essence of the book, was that the most high God lifts up who he will and takes down who he will.”
(The “most high God” must truly be high if He thinks that Donald Trump is one of his committed followers. The only thing the Donald worships is himself.)
*Bachmann called on members of the Never Trump movement, such as conservative radio host Mark Levin, to change their minds, warning that a Clinton presidency would do away with America for good by changing the country’s demographics.
Democrats, Bachmann said, are “allowing well over a million people from the Third World to flood into our country, bringing in diseases, people who are criminals, rapists, all the rest.”*
(Because if it wasn’t for Democrats and their naive insistence on compassionate foreign policy, America would be a virtual Paradise for Conservative White heterosexual Christians.)
She then repeated her false claim that President Obama gave millions of undocumented immigrants the right to vote in the run-up to the 2012 election. These immigrants, she continued, “are going to be voting to transform the United States into, like, a Third World country.”
(Right, because the fact that America itself is a melting pot seems to be completely lost on the American Taliban, who hate immigrants…unless they look and think like them. Because of President Obama, America will eventually become a nation of squat toilets, open sewers, and arranged marriages.)
I have to think that Jesus (if He even exists) is at this very moment sitting on a tropical beach and weeping softly into his fifth Corona of the day.
