Sicily Man Arranges Shooting to Woo Woman
In my less lucid moments, I've wondered what it might be like to do an advice column for the lovelorn. Of course, on the one hand it might be somewhat akin to someone with a death wish giving tips on playing Russian Roulette, but how hard can it be? A little common sense, a few desperate correspondents, and voila!!- a career is born.
For my first column, I'm going to offer advice on what NOT to do, kids. No matter how much you think you love a woman, do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ask someone to shoot you in the groin. Not only does this NOT demonstrate anything but a tenuous grip on reality, it's also going to hurt like hell.
ROME (Reuters) - A man in Sicily asked a friend to shoot him in the groin in the hope of making his ex-girlfriend feel sorry for him, police said on Friday.
Police in the central Sicilian city of Piazza Armerina said they became suspicious when the 27-year-old went to hospital with wounds from a hunting rifle's pellets in the groin area.
At first he said the wounds had been caused in a hunting accident, but later admitted he had asked a friend, 16, to shoot him in an attempt to win back the affection of his girlfriend, who had apparently left him because of his violent character.
The man's wounds are expected to heal, doctors said.
Police said the man, and the 16-year-old, had been charged in connection with the shooting. Local reports said the man's ex-girlfriend had made clear she never wanted to see him again.
Frankly, it sounds as if the ex-girlfriend is the only one in this tawdry scenario with anything resembling a grip on reality. If I were her, I think I'd hire a bodyguard.
Remember, kids...if the only way you think you can get her back is to hire someone to shoot you in the groin, SHE'S NOT WORTH IT!! Besides, even if you were successful in winning her back, it's not as if you'd be able to celebrate the reunion, would you?? An inch or two in the wrong direction, and Willy might go on permanent vacation....
