Today's signs that the Apocalypse is upon us

Clinton camp in lockdown mode over Bosnia flap: Hmm…I suppose this is what’s going to happen when you get caught lying and inflating your importance. Cheaters (and liars) never prosper.

Court Backs Texas in Dispute With Bush: So…even absolute power apparently has it’s limits? Who knew??

Pentagon Admits Mistaken Arms Shipment: Dear China, boy did we (&^% up or what? Yeah, I know there was a shipment of nuclear weapons triggers that was headed for Taiwan. Our bad! We don’t know where exactly the triggers were supposed to end, but it sure as Hell wasn’t Taiwan…so we’d really appreciate if you’d dial back your alert status, kthxbye!

McCain On Iraq: “We’re Succeeding. I Don’t Care What Anybody Says”: Facts be damned! I say we’re winning…therefore, we’re winning. Any questions? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to stroll through a market accompanied by several hundred armed soldiers and a helicopter air cover umbrella.

A McCain Moment: Do You Want Four More Years of This?: Do you REALLY want 4-8 more years of “senior moments”, propaganda, and Americans coming home in flag-draped boxes?

“Unsexiest” Woman Holds Mirror Up To Judges: Sarah Jessica Parker? OK, so she’s not Kate Beckinsale or Tea Leoni, but can we stop being so judgemental of superficial physical beauty? Jeebus, people….

Sean Hannity Confronted Over His Relationship With Neo-Nazi Hal Turner: A Fox News Channel talking head? Consorting with neoNazis? Why, I’m shocked- SHOCKED- that there’s racism taking place on America’s “fair and balanced” news source! Whodathunkit….

Iraq War Snoozefest Bores Journalists: Yeah, can’t we sex things up a bit? I mean, the war in Iraq? It’s SO 2003….

DUMB FOOTAGE YOU MUST SEE OF BARACK ON VACATION: Jeebus, people…the man’s ON VACATION. How (&^%$#@ newsworthy can that possible be…unless it’s a sex tour in Thailand?

Old People Without Internet Access Pay $3,000 For Naked Picture Of Carla Bruni : It would seem that a fool and his money really are soon parted. ‘Cuz it’s not like there’s a shortage of naked pictures of Carla Bruni available on da Interweb. Isn’t this sort of thing the reason why the Internet was invented in the first place?