ASHLAND -- A woman seen frequently in Ashland riding topless on her bicycle says she plans to be in Ashland's Fourth of July parade free and independent of all clothing but a hemp G-string. The Chamber of Commerce says that's contrary to the rules for the family celebration. She says she'll sue if she can't parade as she wishes. Jen Moss has been known as "The Naked Lady" since she moved to Ashland in May from Ojai, Calif., drawn by the town's nudity laws. They specify only that people must cover their genitalia in a city park or the downtown commercial district, which means Moss need not cover her breasts.
And you wonder why I love living in Orygun...where some will fight to their dying breath for their...right to ride naked in a Fourth of July parade? Apparently, for reasons not even the locals will be able to adequately explain, Ashland's public nudity laws specify that only genitalia must be covered. This doesn't mean, of course, that living in Ashland ipso facto requires that denizens wear as little as possible. In fact, I'd offer that the vast majority of folks- in Ashland and elsewhere- would be best served by keeping as much as possible covered. Let's face it, y'all...there aren't many of us (and I include myself in this number) who would benefit humanity to any appreciable degree by unabashedly displaying our wares in public. Not that our bodies are anything to be ashamed of, or that there's anything wrong with nudity...but what interest is serving by letting it all hang out?
Of course, wherever you are- whether in Ashland, OR, Ashland, KY, or anywhere else- there are those who find the human body to be a disgusting, dirty, and nasty thing that must be kept under wraps at all costs (are we talking about the Taliban here, or what??). WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??? Heaven forbid that our innocent, precious Kinder be exposed (no pun intended) to anything that might possibly result in even the remotest degree of titillation (DING!!! I just knew I was going to be able to work that word in here somewhere....)?
Here's a suggestion for those whose pacemakers are about to short from the overload of righteous indignation: if you don't want to see Jen Moss on her bike wearing nothing but a g-string, put pressure on the Ashland City Council to change the ordinance (or just skip the Fourth of July parade altogether). If you think it's appropriate that your narrow prudery carry the force of law, then by all means agitate for those changes- that's why it's called "representative democracy". Until then, whatever Moss and her merry band of naked in-line skaters do in your Fourth of July parade is perfectly legal. That doesn't mean you have to like it, but we all know what opinions are like, right??
Oh, and here's another suggestion for you: children will only grow up thinking that the human body is dirty and nasty if that's the lesson you teach them. Aggressive, close-minded fear and ignorance are not things a child comes by naturally. No, that sort of nonsense is passed lovingly from generation to generation as if it's some sort of heirloom and birthright (and it explains why Our Glorious and Benevolent Leader © is still in office). Why think when you can react??
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN???
