When I was in college, I remember reading a short story written by Franz Kafka. In it, the protagonist gradually loses the ability to sleep. The story chronicles what happens as he sleeps less and less as time passes...and eventually, he goes mad. I find myself recalling this story with increasing frequency these days...because it's beginning to feel as if it's what's happening to me.
Sleep has never been something that's been a smooth and easy proposition for me. I've snored all my life, and I've slept with a CPAP machine for the past eight years. Recently, though, it seems as if the CPAP is less effective than it has been over the years, and over the past few months I seem to have lost the ability to sleep past 430am. Even on the weekends when She Who Hung The Moon © graces me with her presence, I'm still waking up at a ridiculously early hour. On Saturday night, we went to sleep a bit after midnight, and I was wide awake at 415am. During the week, it's not uncommon for me to be awake at 330-345 am...and it doesn't matter what time I go to bed. Last weekend, we were up until after 2am...and I was still awake before 6am. Yeah, it's annoying....
I finally went to see my doctor (it's probably been five years since my last physical)...primarily at the behest of She Who Hung The Moon ©, who is something of a light sleeper and whose sleep is disturbed by my snoring...which is apparently getting worse. Yeah; I know...it took having a woman in my life again to actually want to do something about my sleep problems...but at least I'm finally trying to get some help.
The worst part is what I've begun to realize now I that I've been made conscious of the fact that I'm not sleeping nearly as well as I might have deluded myself into believing. The reality is that I'm tired...All. The. Time. My powers of concentration, never the stuff of legend under the best of circumstances, have taken a beating. I'm easily distracted, and it's often difficult for me to focus for any appreciable length of time. I can often be rather crabby in the morning, which is pretty unusual for me.
I know there are treatments available, and drugs that can help...but I'm afraid of becoming dependent on a chemical. I'm at something of a loss, because I'm not quite sure what to do. I do know that I somehow need to find a way to get some better sleep, if for no other reason than not to deprive She Who Hung The Moon © of her sleep on the nights when she stays with me.
Maybe I should just start drinking heavily again.... ;-)
