Carla Bruni-Sarkozy: I Hate Makeup, Jewelry, And Clothes: I got no problem with that. You gotta problem wi' dat? I like my women without clothes.
5 Tons Of Bombs Missing From Hamas-Guarded Warehouse: Nervous? Me?? Hell, no! Why would I be nervous??
14,000: Number of Americans losing health coverage each day: Hey, as long as you're not one of the 14,000, where's the fire?
CNN's Zain Verjee Loves Penis, Err, Peanuts (VIDEO): Yeah, but she doesn't know dick....
FOX Anchor Rips PETA Spokeswoman For Sexy Ads: "Attempting to titillate"? How about "attempting to get people to think"? Then again, most guys DO think with the wrong head....
Barnes: Bush 'More Like' America's 'Greatest President,' Abraham Lincoln: Fred Barnes: 'More Like' The Dumbest (&^%$#@ Human Being On The Face Of The Planet ©. Jeebus, but this guy makes Glenn Beck look like a rocket scientist.
Taking comfort in Nancy Grace's world: You go right ahead. Me? I thank my lucky stars every day that I don't have to wake up next to her.
Amy Fisher Taking Up Stripping: My GOD, I LOVE America.... "I am going to take this road until my fans tell me, 'Dear, please put your clothes back on. You're too old.' "
GOP Rep Bachmann: "We're Running Out Of Rich People In This Country": Thanks to Rep. Bachmann, we're in no danger of running out of stupid people.
Police: Ohio man held woman captive, read Bible: Ohio police say a man held a woman captive in handcuffs and an adult diaper for three days while he read Bible passages to her. Where I come from, this is called "foreplay"....
Pat Robertson denounces Rush Limbaugh's comments: He's 'not exactly thinking rationally.': Why do I have this recurring thought that the pot just called the kettle black??
Wis. boy's essay leads to charge against his dad: This will happen when you shoot your son in the ass for blocking your view of the television. Not exactly "Father of the Year" material, eh??
