So there I was...standing in the checkout line at the grocery store on Saturday morning, patiently waiting to pay for my purchases when I happen to spy this month's edition of Cosmopolitan. No big deal, right? I see a copy virtually every time I go to the grocery store, and the nameless blonde (and her breasts) on the cover rarely ever crack my characteristic lack of focus. For some reason, though, Carrie Underwood (and her breasts) were speaking to me (and no, you DON'T want to know what they were telling me). I began absent-mindedly scanning her breasts the magazine cover..and before long, I saw something that stopped me in my tracks:
Uh...say what?? Not sure I'd read it correctly, I turned my eyes away from Carrie Underwood (and her breasts) and re-read the cover. Sure, enough, this month's Cosmo has an article advising ladies on the proper way to touch a naked man. Really? A woman needs to be instructed on how to touch a naked male (or, even worse, WHAT to touch)? As a male who enjoys being naked with female accompaniment, this puzzles me...so I thought I'd do what I can to make things simple. After all, I'm as guilty of thinking with the wrong head as any guy, so I think I'm qualified on this count.
Ladies, if you happen to find yourself alone with a naked male, there should be no mystery as to how to touch said male (or, for that matter, what to touch). We males are pretty simple creatures, really. When it comes to being touched, all roads tend to lead in the same direction. Hopefully, I'm not going to need to draw anyone a map here, but just know that most males will be beyond happy should they find themselves naked AND accompanied by an equally naked female. The rest should pretty much take care of itself, knowhutimean? If this isn't clear enough, feel free to email me. I'll be happy to do what I can to clear up any lingering confusion.
There...I just saved you five or six bucks. You can thank me later.... ;-)
