MY NEW HERO
Todd Stave
Todd Stave has the unenviable position of being the landlord of a building in Germantown, Maryland, which he leases to an abortion provider called Reproductive Health Services Clinic. So he knows a little something about dealing patiently with anti-abortion protesters. But when they started calling him at home at all hours and harassing his family, he got fed up and came up with a very clever solution: Do unto others as they have been doing unto you.
This could easily be a story about knuckle-dragging, I’ll-do-anything-up-to-and-probably-including-killing anti-choice protesters who believe that their devotion to life and opposition to abortion allows them carte blanche. There’s something reprehensible about someone so zealous to prevent abortion that they’ll go to virtually any length to achieve their desired end. And don’t even get me started on how a “devotion to life” “justifies” killing.
This story isn’t about that amoral ugliness and self-righteousness intolerance…though it could easily have been. No, this is a story about a man whose conviction and backbone wouldn’t allow him to be cowered by bullies. It’s about a man who stood up and fought back by using some of the same tactics employed by bullies against those same bullies.
Todd Stave could have taken the easy way out and caved to those anti-choice protesters hassling him and his family. He was used to protesters harassing him; after all, he owned an office building and leased space to a doctor who, among other things, performed abortions. When those protesters showed up outside his daughter’s middle school, though…well, some lines just shouldn’t be crossed, right?
Stave was furious, and then it got even worse. Dozens of the protestors began calling him at home, around the clock. His friends wanted to help him fight back; that’s when Stave had the brilliant idea of turning the tables on his tormentors. He began recording the names and numbers of the assholes who called, and then he gave the list of info to his friends and asked them to call these people back on his behalf. Shazam! And the really smart part was that when someone from Team Stave called, they always took the high road.
Stave’s callers don’t scream at, nor are they disrespectful to the protesters they call. They remain calm and respectful as they explain that not only could Stave not terminate the doctor’s lease, he had no desire to even if he could.
Before long, Stave’s band of callers reached 1000, and they became increasingly sophisticated and firm in their approach. Just as the protesters would publicize Stave’s contact information, as well as other personal information (like the schools his children attended), Stave’s callers took a similar tack. They’d call a protester and work in their children’s names and their schools into the conversation. This wasn’t done in a threatening manner, but a message was sent nonetheless: two can play this game, and it’s not so much fun when the tables are turned, is it?
Things grew to the point where Stave organized Voice of Choice, which now numbers about 3,000 volunteers. VoC has branched out to making calls on behalf of anyone being bullied by anti-choice protesters.
When asked if he thought this method of payback was harsh, Stave said no: “We gave them back what they gave us.” Actually, not even. You gave back a mild, family-friendly version of what they gave to you. You proved to them that you know where they live and who their children are, but you didn’t show up at their homes and schools and threaten them. You didn’t come onto their lawn with posters detailing terrible imaginary things that they’ve done. You’re serving up Revenge Lite™: Tastes great, less killing.
The beautiful thing about VoC is that Stave limits the groups actions. VoC doesn’t make calls on behalf of anyone being merely hassled by protesters. Stave believes that protesters should be allowed their 1st Amendment rights to say what’s on their minds. When protesting crosses the line to bullying, though, VoC can, does, and will step in to support those being bullied.
It is amazing that people like Stave have fortitude to stand up to psychos like this coming at them from every direction, but thank heavens they do, because, honestly, the thought that these protesters get away with so much is sickening. It’s hard to know where these nutcases will end when it comes to making Stave’s life a living hell—but it’s probably not going to get any better now that he’s getting more and more national media attention.
At least we know he’s got plenty of backup from Voice of Choice. The worse these people get, the longer VoC can keep them on the phone, telling them all about the many “blessings and prayers” they’re sending to their home addresses and to the locations of their children’s daycare centers. Then everyone will be so busy making and receiving calls that they’ll have less time to spend protesting outside clinics. And maybe in the future, we’ll get to a magical place where both sides are talking to each other 100 percent of the time, and a woman will be able to walk right up to the front door of an abortion clinic without being harassed—because everyone will be so busy talking on the phone to their enemies to notice or care what she’s choosing to do with her body.
In the end, VoC may not prevail, of course. It’s difficult to truly defeat those so consumed by their hatred and zealotry that their sublime self-righteous grants them lease to do anything on behalf of their cause. What VoC does exceedingly well, though, is to use some of a bully’s tactics against them. It may not ultimately carry the day, but it does let the bullies know that the carte blanche they allo themselves doesn’t come without consequences.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas K. Gandhi
I don’t know how familiar Stave is with Gandhi’s doctrine of nonviolent resistance, but the tactics of Voice of Change could be straight out of the Mahatma’s playbook. Those of us who believe in a woman’s right to control her own body (and non-violent protest) owe Todd Stave a debt of gratitude.
We could all learn a lesson from Todd Stave and Voice of Choice.
