I know y’all think I’m some sort of savant and that I just magically conjure up my literary stylings out thin air…and you’re basically correct. This morning finds me feeling somewhat less brilliant than normal. I woke up thinking I really need to do something constructive, and then I realized it was Saturday and the coffee and doughnuts weren’t going to make themselves….
And before you know it, hurricane season will be cancelled due to lack of interest..or maybe budget cuts. In the cesspool/swamp/clusterf—k that is official Washington, nothing creates a spectacle more than one entity hanging their version of the Sword of Damocles over another entity’s head. The National Weather Service has a budget deficit it apparently can’t cover, and so it’s told Congress that unless they pony up $36 million, they’re looking at furloughing up to 5,000 workers.
C’mon, now…those hurricane warnings aren’t going to generate themselves….
In the words of the immortal G. Gordon Liddy: HEAD SHOTS, PEOPLE!! HEAD SHOTS!!” I find myself wondering about the apparent increase in people gnawing on one another, and, like most men, find myself thinking about how to protect my family. Well, thanks to the good folks at Hornady Manufacturing, that concern has been eased. We can now buy Zombie Bullets:
“Be PREPARED - supply yourself for the Zombie Apocalypse with Zombie Max ammunition from Hornady! Loaded with PROVEN Z-Max bullets… MAKE DEAD PERMANENT!”
‘Course, being the inquisitive sort that I am, I have to wonder…if Z-Max bullets are “proven,” just what in the HELL were they tested on?
It was only a matter of time before Walmart figured out how to break into the business. A woman was apprehended for shoplifting at a Walmart store in south St. Louis County, MO. That was bad enough, but what the woman did next might have just opened up a whole new market segment for the mega-retailer. While cooling her heels in the store’s loss control office, the woman set up a mobile meth lab and began to cook.
I suppose a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do….
Bryan Cranston was not available for comment.
The Nineties called; they want their technology back. Here in the US, we tend to obsess over how quickly we can get our hands on the latest, greatest, fastest, and/or best technology. All you have to do is to consider how many people (like me, f’rinstance) freak out whenever Apple releases a new iPhone or iPad to understand just how much “cutting edge” is engrained into our ethos.
And then there’s Japan, who you might think would be approaching technology with the same slavish devotion we do. Au contraire, mon ami…the Japanese are still obsessed with..wait for it…fax machines. In fact, 59% of all Japanese homes still have a fax machine, and many Japanese use them for purposes Americans have long used email for.
One person’s technology is another’s newfangled, impossible-to-understand boondoggle, eh?
Honey, where’d you put my carrier pigeon??
Duh…If you think you’re about to get away with a crime, just keep it to yourself. Today on Stoopid Kriminul Trix: A Texas college student was apprehended by police in Pearland, TX, after she taunted them on Twitter, saying that, even though she had an outstanding traffic warrant, they’d never catch her.
Right; who knew that the police monitor Twitter??
Hmm…have you thought about popsicles?? I can guarantee you there’s one question the US Forest Service never addresses in Park Ranger School: How do you remove several dead, frozen cows from a cabin at *[Conundrum Hot Springs](http://www.selecthikes.com/are-you-kidding-me/111-conundrum-springs), high in the Colorado mountains*? And how do you do it without causing some major environmental damage? With the spring thaw fast approaching, this is no mere academic exercise.
The cabin, situated at 11,200 ft. above sea level, is not well-situated for most conventional removal methods. Helicopter and vehicle access is difficult, and moving one cow, much less several, before they begin to decompose presents something of a challenge. If the cows aren’t removed and they begin to decompose, there’s the possibility the hot springs could be contaminated.
Well, they could always sell Cowsicles to the tourists, no?